As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin

Coaching with Ken | How to Overcome Adversity

October 10, 2023 Ken Joslin
As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin
Coaching with Ken | How to Overcome Adversity
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

What do you do when life punches you in the gut & knocks the wind out of you?

Imagine having the chance to escape the chaos of life for a while, to enjoy a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and spend time with a community of people who understand and support you. This is exactly what I experienced at the EXP Con, a poignant reminder of the role like-minded individuals play in our lives. I delve into my personal stories about recent setbacks that I was able to overcome thanks to the support of my community. From a surprise trip to Las Vegas to a cross-country road trip, I share how my community was there for me during both the highs and lows of life.

But what happens when you're brutally honest about your role in the setback? We explore how owning up to our mistakes, even when it's difficult, paves the way to resolution. I share a recent mistake and how grace played a critical role in dealing with it. We also talk about the value of core relationships, how they provide guidance and wisdom during tough times. Whether it's a heart-to-heart with a friend or addressing a football team at Grambling University, every encounter is a chance to learn and grow. Join us for an episode that promises a deep dive into navigating life's setbacks and the significant role of community in this journey.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on social media and tag Ken Joslin.



Speaker 1:

Good morning, fam. Welcome to another episode of as the Leader Grows. I am your host, ken Zoslin. I'm super excited about this conversation and it's funny when I look through all of the episodes that we do some of the amazing, amazing friends that I have how these coaching with Ken episodes are the most listened to and most download episodes that we have. And shout out to my good friend, christine Baird, who works with Lewis Howes and worked with Jay Shetty to get their podcasts where they were, and she was the one that said Ken, you need to do an episode just with yourself and man.

Speaker 1:

I've had a lot of stuff going on in the past few weeks. I'm currently in the middle of a, or at the very beginning of a seven-day cross-country road trip with my 15-year-old daughter. So if you follow me on Instagram at Ken Zoslin, you can go over there. It's hilarious. We're having a freaking blast. We're driving from LA. I flew her out. I was at, I'm at, a mastermind with my good friend, irwin McManus and Paul Olima and Ben Newman and Jimmy Rex and some other amazing Tom Patterson, the CEO of Tommy's on Underwear, some amazing human beings and I was out there for a mastermind dinner at Irwin's house with him and Kim on Thursday night and then we had our the arena little conference Irwin put together at his church sold out and we just had an amazing, amazing time. Good friends like Johnny and Kathy Gordon were there. This weekend I flew my 15-year-old daughter out and so we started this cross-country road trip.

Speaker 1:

But I really want to talk about it Now I've got some. I'm telling you, man, if I, if I could, if I could just dive into what this past week has looked like. I literally have told a couple friends I could write a book out of this past week. But I want to talk about what you do after a setback, because the reality of it is and my pastor, chris Hodges at Church of the Highlands one of the most phenomenal leaders I've ever been around in my life he says often that you're either you're either in a setback, you're coming out of a setback, or you're about to go into a setback. Because the reality of it is is this life can be difficult, this life can be hard, and I had something happen to me this week that was very difficult, that I don't wish on anyone and I want to share a little bit about, okay. So, ken, you got, you know, life just literally punched you in the gut but knocked the wind out of your cells. What do you do? I'm just gonna walk through, guys, the four things that I did this past week, that I was very intentional on. Number one what do you do when you had the wind knocked out of you? What do you do after a setback? Number one it's always, as we talked about, community, circle and corner.

Speaker 1:

Maybe you've got to surround yourself with amazing human beings. You have to surround yourself with amazing human beings. You know what is funny If you're a person of faith, like I am, and you believe, you believe scripture is real, believe it's in Psalms 37, it says the footsteps of a righteous person or ordered by the Lord, like God. Nothing takes God by surprise, like he knows. And it's funny when this one incident happened to me, I actually got a call from a good friend of mine, brent Gove, early on Monday morning last week and just a few hours before some of these things happened. That just really a gut punch. And he said dude, are you coming to Vegas? And I said, well, I was thinking about it and I'm not sure if I can come the whole time. And it was like, dude, get here and I was like, okay, and so I, literally, even before this event that happened in my life, which I just need some time and space to be able to share, got it already started directing my footsteps to where I would be surrounded community circle corner, obviously, if you've not heard me talk about those three spheres of relationships, community is that large group you travel with. For us it's our GSD community, like it's that large group of people that have the same like-mindedness, same DNA, same passion, same belief, same desire. You're headed in the same direction. Circle are those 10 or 12 guys or gals, or guys and girls, or guys and gals that you spend the most time with. They would be the 10 or 12 people that, if you looked over your life over the past 30 days, they're the people that get the majority of your time. Who's your circle? Like that circle is super important. We talk about a lot and then your corner. Your corner is, you know a handful of people and I've got five, and then in that five there are. It depends on what life throws at me. If it's a physical thing, obviously I've got Gary Breckett, one of those guys.

Speaker 1:

With this issue that happened, I reached out to my good friend Randy Garn, and so I drove, drove over to Vegas and I literally spent the day around you know, I don't know, having thousands of agents that were there for EHPcon and just spent some time with my good friend, brent Gove and Kathy had left to go hang out with the kids in Sacramento back home for a couple days because Brent's schedule was insane. But I'm just hanging out with a lot of friends. I'm hanging out with a lot of my community. It's really my community. A lot of people going in the same direction, a lot of great energy, a lot of people who love me. As a matter of fact, we that night we were in Brent's Presidential suite I don't know how big that thing is at Mandalay Bay. It's like 9,000 square feet, it's freaking huge and there's probably 200 to 250 EXP agents there. He has like two little private parties a day. So I'm standing there with Glen Stearns from Undercovered Billionaire Standing there with Glen saying for the CEO of EXP, brent, michael Valdez, the Chief Growth Officer just some amazing human beings that I know, that I'm close with. I'm surrounded by friends.

Speaker 1:

So when you have a setback, when life literally punches you in the gut and this can be in any area, guys, this you could lose a loved one, you could be you know. You could have a relationship that you that dissolves painfully. It could be a business thing, it could be a financial setback. Whatever it is, I'm telling you these four steps I'm going to give you will work every single time. They will give you the best opportunity to be able to walk through. Because, listen, when this happened, it was such a shock to my system that I literally was like the first thing I knew.

Speaker 1:

Because what happens is and I said this, I've talked about this on my GSD coaching call what happens is, as human beings, when we have a setback like this or we get punched like this, the first thing we want to do is we just want to retreat, we want to be alone, we want to be by ourselves. You just want to kind of curl up in the fetal position, grab a bag of Cheetos and watch Netflix, or, or alcohol, or food, or whatever it is that helps you cope with this. I knew better. I knew better. There's no way in the world I can be alone right now. I have got to be around my people.

Speaker 1:

So we gather in Brent's presidential suite there at the Manila Bay and there's 250 agents, tons of energy. I'm fortunate and I've got some amazing friends, even people that didn't know. Hey, ken, how are you doing? Can we get a picture? It's just a fun time to be around those people. As everyone leaves, I said hey, brent, I need about 10 minutes of your time. I said, hey, I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to do my first run. You know, everybody leaves, it's late, it's like 11 o'clock.

Speaker 1:

I was up early, I was up at 4 am and I hit the gym and then driving eight hours to Vegas after this deal happened to me last Monday, I said there was Brent and I just said, dude, I love you, man, I'm really grateful for you. Here's what happened today Two-shot man, I'm so sorry. And he goes. Can I pray for you? And I said that's why I'm here. And you know, for those of you that are people of faith, like there really is, there really is, god knows what he's doing, like nothing takes him by surprise. And so Brent was able to any late hands on me and prayed for me and he wept, I wept, and we just kind of processed through the thing and so, again, you're either in a setback going, coming out of a setback or about to go through a setback.

Speaker 1:

So what do you do? When you have it, you better get around the right people. So that's my community man in my circle and then my corner. Those are two of my guys. You know, one of the first people I was on the phone with was Randy. The second person I was with was Brent. Like, I've got those guys that I literally can go. So, man, here's where I'm at and here's what's going on in my life. Listen, I live an amazing life. I've got some amazing friends. I get to do an experience, some amazing. I literally got a text as I'm starting this podcast this morning from somebody that's in my community that just said. He said hey, good morning, praying for whatever you've been going through, I'm grateful for the impact you had in my life in the short amount of time I've known you. You know I get to live an amazing life, but the reality of this is it's life and there's gonna be some moments that are difficult. So when you have a setback, number one, you gotta get around the right people. Your community, circle and corner are never more important than when you go through a setback. They're never more important than when life just kicks the shiznick out of you. Number two the second thing you gotta schedule fun. You've got to schedule fun. You're like, schedule fun, man, I don't even feel like living. You're telling me to schedule fun. Yes, you've got to schedule fun.

Speaker 1:

As soon as this happened and it kind of gave it kind of forced my hand in some things that I was going to do, I literally thought you know what? I tried to take a cross country road trip with my 15 year old daughter a couple months ago and it didn't work out. You know what? We're gonna do it now. And I literally drove to Vegas eight hours. From Vegas down to LA, it was four hours. We had dinner at Irwin's on Thursday night. I flew actually Friday conference, saturday conference I flew my 15 year old daughter from Birmingham out to LA on Saturday and I said, hey, we're gonna take a cross country road trip, we're gonna drive, because I had slipped my Range Rover out to California. I said we're gonna drive my car back to Birmingham together. We're gonna spend the next seven days together. And I started looking at my calendar. I started looking at okay, I'm gonna be here and here and here we can kind of map this out and plan this out. So literally within 24 hours I had mapped out a trip from LA, flying her in from LA to Scottsdale, where we're currently at right now In Scottsdale hanging out. She'd podcasted my buddy, brian Bogert. My friend Bernadette Tucker, who lives in Tampa, happened to be in Phoenix. We got to go with the dinner with my buddy, taylor Legate last night and then afterwards my good friend Bernadette Tucker, who's just freshening her business and it's crazy because her and her life's journey the last year have been literally like a mere image of each other. We got to grab some ice cream with her last night and just laugh at a texture. I was like listen, you know how awesome it was to see you and my daughter just laugh together last night, like it was so fun and so refreshing and so filling to see you guys laugh. So, scottsdale, I'm recording this podcast. It's 502.

Speaker 1:

I was up at four this morning, just woke up 3.56, both wide awake. Today we're heading to the Grand Canyon. I'm going up on his theory. We're gonna work out in, we'll come back, we're gonna load the car up, we're headed to the Grand Canyon Four hours. Grand Canyon will spend the day at the Grand Canyon Drive, you know somewhat, probably a couple hundred miles towards Dallas, because it's a thousand miles between the Grand Canyon and Dallas, and then so, with Grand Canyon, then partway to Dallas, and then Dallas, and I've got tons of friends Adora Evans, vic Keller, courtney Hemsley I've got a ton of people that wanna spend time with me in Dallas. We'll be in Dallas for about a day and a half. I'm gonna get a podcast recorded while I'm there in one of the studios and then I'm headed to.

Speaker 1:

I started looking at the calendar and I'm like then I haven't spoken to Gramleaks football team. And I know Coach Hugh is a dear friend, and so I text Kim Bili and I'm like, hey, where are you guys gonna be up on the 15th? I'm gonna be driving across country. I would love this coming and hang out with you guys and possibly speak to the team, which I did last year as well this will be my second year and she goes it's our homecoming game. Let me get with you. I know he'd love to have you. And so next thing, I know I'm driving in from Dallas to Gramleaks University and I'm gonna be speaking to the Gramleaks football team on Friday night, the day before their homecoming. So we're going to Dallas to Gramleaks, speak to the football team Friday night and then Saturday we'll be with the football team during homecoming game, which is gonna be a blast. I absolutely have a blast hanging out with these guys.

Speaker 1:

Even from last year, I've got several of the players that still DM me, that still follow, that are like can man, I thank you for doing what you do. So schedule funds. We're gonna do that. We'll be there Friday, saturday, sunday, monday, we'll make the trip back to Birmingham and I just schedule fund like, what can you do? Who can you spend time with? And it's crazy because I've gotten as much or more feedback on my social media this week about this trip with my daughter than anything I've ever done so schedule fund.

Speaker 1:

So listen, you're gonna get punched in the mouth. It's just part of the process. It makes it harder when people that you love, or people that you think love you, do things to hurt you. But listen, when you, literally when you leverage the power of your community circle corner, when you get, I mean, let me say this, it's almost like you hide in those relationships. It's almost like you can go in and hide and just get naked in front of some of these people and go, man, here's where my heart is and they cover you and they protect you and they pray for you and they're like man, I love you. Thank you for the difference. It is unbelievable the encouragement that I have gotten this week with people that don't even know what's going on. So that's first relationships. Number two schedule five Third thing how can you serve others?

Speaker 1:

How can you serve other people? Like when I pastor, I used to say this a lot man, when you, when you're going through stuff, if you will get your focus off of the stuff you're going through and you will focus on serving other people and what's going on in their life and you're like, how in the world can I serve other people? Listen, you would be amazed at how God's created you. You would be amazed at what you're capable of and how you're capable of serving other people. When you go through a tragedy in your life, you would be amazed at how you can take the focus off of yourself and focus on other people. And then what happens is number one it is super fulfilling for you as a human being to know that you've helped someone that you care for and love. And then what happens when you look back on your issue or that thing, that that that set back, that that punch in the gut that they kick the wind out of your sales not the wind out of your sales. When you look back on that you're like, oh, it's not that big anymore. It's literally amazing how that works.

Speaker 1:

So relationships get around community circle, corner, schedule fun. Like what do you? What's fun for you? Go to a movies, hang out with friends. Listen, do not be alone, like if when you go through something. I'm telling you I just had dinner with a friend last night and they're like, man, this last six months have been hard, this last year has been hard. I made this decision. I mean, I looked at him and I'm like, bro, like why did you not call me? And it's, and it's the classic answer Well, I didn't want to burden anybody else, I didn't want to bother. Listen, that's why we're here, that's why you have relationships, that's why you live in community, that's why God's connected you with other human beings. Like you have to have those relationships. Schedule fun, man, get it on the counter. You're like I don't feel, like I'm fine. I'm telling you, man, there's moments I didn't either.

Speaker 1:

My 15 year old, who's with me is what. She knows exactly what's going on. She'll look at me and she'll go dad, how you doing In the car. She'll say dad, how's your heart? I said I'm good baby, thank you she is so sensitive to. It's funny. I'm driving, I'm watching and she's looking at me and if I get quiet she's like dad, how's your heart? You're going to serve others to the store thing. Get your focus off yourself and get it on other people. It always, always, always, always works.

Speaker 1:

The fourth thing, and I'm gonna close it with this so if you're paying attention this morning, what do you do when you get punched in the gut, when you have a setback? It's your relationship to your community circle corner schedule funds serve others. And the last one is on your part, man. You've got to be able to push through the pain and you've got to be able to look and go. Okay, what part of this do I need to own? What part of this do I need to own?

Speaker 1:

This is I'm literally working on my new book, the Power of your Circle, talking about relationships, and this is gonna be a chapter. Not sure what I'm gonna call it yet, but I've got some ideas. You've got to own your part? Where did I ignore red flags? Where did I look and go, oh, there's an issue? Nope, there's no issue here. Where did I? Because, for those of you guys that are like me and you have the tendency to believe the best of anyone, the best of other people, pretty much on a constant like that's what you do because you just love people there's gonna be times where you miss things and wow, man, I've got so much I just can't share right now that it's gonna be. You know. And another thing is, too, one of my affirmations. I've found you've heard me talk about this before I am whole, I choose to use past pain to help others find healing. Listen, I can't use past pain to help others find healing if I don't look and own my part of it.

Speaker 1:

Where did I make a mistake? Where did I go wrong? What could I have done different? What red flags did I ignore? Did I listen to friends? Because some of my friends after this happened just a couple, you know, not even a handful they weren't crazy about the decision that I had made anyway. And I'm like, and I think you gotta live your own life, you gotta make your own decisions, but I think God puts people in your life for a reason to be able to buffer and to be able to help you, to have a bumper pool, to be able to help keep you on track and just to be able to share wisdom with you. But what do you need to do to own your partner In this situation?

Speaker 1:

I looked and I go okay, what red flags did I ignore? And there were a couple, one of the things that I said hey, I'll do this, if you know, I will do this, this is what I'm willing to do, but I'm not willing to do this until this happens. And it was part of really rectifying and closing some past things. But it didn't take place and I, those boundaries that I put in place, I moved those and I looked down and I'm like, man, there's no way you should have moved those boundaries. There's no way you should have made it this easy. You should have said, hey, this is what I'm willing to do, which is huge, and this is what I have to have in order to be able to do that. And I did not. I did not. Really.

Speaker 1:

What that is is a lack of integrity. It was a lack of being whole on my part, because I wanted something. I wanted something so bad. I wanted something to be so true that I just ignored some things, and I even ignored some boundaries that I had put in place for myself, that I knew would offer some protection and some guidance, and I even ignored those. So you've got to own your part and I don't think that you can really extract the lesson or pull out of what happened in that journey or that setback or that, that that hard moment, and I don't think you can pull out of that, what God desires for you to pull out of that, if you don't own your part of it.

Speaker 1:

So, excuse me, what do you do after a setback? One is relationships, community circle corner. You gotta get around the right people. You have to surround yourself, immerse yourself, hide yourself in the right relationships and ask people all the time man, if you had a tragedy happen, who are you calling? Like right now, if something happened in your life, who's the person you're going to call? I have four or five guys that on a text thread that I text every single day. We text back and forth every single day Depending on what's going on in my life regarding my core five, whether it be faith, health, relationship, business and finances. Like I've got specific guys I go to because I know that I'm able to lean into them in a way and really, really, really hit where we're connected at a heart level.

Speaker 1:

Schedule fun. You gotta get fun on your calendar. Guys, go have fun. Laugh. I literally I texted Brinley last night and I'm like you have no idea she hasn't. She has no idea what happened, but I'm like you have no idea how much, how fun I had watching you and my daughter. They picked at me and made fun of me the whole time. You were in my school, right, but that's what girls do, but I laughed. It was so funny and refreshing and life giving and filling. You've got to have fun. Listen, if you can't, if you can't, schedule fun on your own, you need to connect with a friend and be like hey, I need to go have fun, but I'm afraid to schedule it and don't know how to do it right now and I need you to do that for me. Can you do that for me, can you? I just need to go laugh. I need to go have fun. I need to get my mind off of what's going on.

Speaker 1:

Third thing serve who. Can I serve who around me, and not people. They're worse off than me or they're better, it doesn't matter. Who can you serve? How can you help other people? That's what I did last week and I did. What can I do to help you? How can I serve you? And the last one is own your part. And this is the hard part. This is the hard part Even out of everything that happened.

Speaker 1:

I was able to go to two different people in my life because of what happened to me and go hey, I'm really sorry that I did this to you in the past and I know the pain and I know the things that I'm feeling right now. They suck, and you probably felt the same way towards me because of a decision I made in the past and I'm really sorry that I did that to you. And I think, when you look at it and you extract everything God needs you to extract through that moment, through that setback, through that adversity, telling you guys, you can come out on the other side a better human being. You can come out on the other side and the individual who literally is committed to becoming the best version of yourself. So, guys, it's a little deep, right, that's a little deep man. I don't know that I've ever had a podcast where I've shared my art or just literally just say, hey guys, here's where I'm at and I just kind of opened my heart in a bigger way.

Speaker 1:

But listen, you 1,000% have what it takes to be able to get through a setback or through adversity. Get around the right people, your community circle, corner, schedule funds, serve other people and then own your part. And when you own your part, let me say this this is not something I struggle with. Have grace on yourself, have mercy, like literally have grace on yourself. And I made a mistake. I missed that red flag. I ignored this behavior. I did this. Listen, you made a mistake. How do I learn from that and how do I move forward? Guys, listen, as always.

Speaker 1:

If this podcast has blessed you, I'm gonna ask you to do me a favor. I'm gonna ask you to hit that subscribe button. Do me a favor, run over to our, run over to our page. Give us a five-star review. We'd love for your review. We'd love your review. We'd love for you to take a screenshot of this. You're listening. You're on Instagram. Screenshot it, share it on your story. Tag me and I will. I'll share and give you a love on my audience. But listen, man, I just want you guys to know how much I appreciate me being able to come and share with you week after week after week, and again blown away, blown away, blown away of what God's doing. And let me remind you of this pain does not destroy, it develops. God is more interested in your development than he is your company. Although character development may be painful, it really is the thing that helps us become the best version of ourselves. I'll see you next week.

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