Have you ever faced a moment so daunting that it seemed insurmountable? Danielle Cobo, a speaker, author, and military spouse, joins us to share her harrowing yet uplifting tale, encapsulating the essence of what it means to embody 'Unstoppable Grit.' Revel in the raw and moving narrative of Danielle's life, as we unravel her experiences from a homecoming turned bittersweet with her husband's return from deployment, to the profound loss of her mother, and the unforeseen challenges brought on by a global crisis. Her forthcoming book is not just a memoir; it's a beacon for anyone navigating the turbulent seas of adversity, a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there lies an opportunity for growth and rebirth.
Throughout the episode, Danielle's journey unfolds, revealing her transition from grief to forgiveness and how this transformation fortified her spirit. Discover how the act of forgiving her mother's troubled past and eventual suicide led to a path of healing, how her faith and the solidarity of a newfound community provided solace, and how the steadfast support of her husband became her rock. These revelations aren't just her story—they're a testimony to the strength found in the collective spirit of military families and a guidepost for all of us seeking to find light in the shadows. Danielle's leap from self-doubt to creating a flourishing career coaching business exemplifies the serendipity of life's closed doors and the new paths they often conceal. Join us and feel the tangible excitement as we discuss "Unstoppable Grit," a work promising to inspire resilience and offer strategies for building a life of purpose and passion in the face of life's inevitable challenges.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on social media and tag Ken Joslin.
Have you ever faced a moment so daunting that it seemed insurmountable? Danielle Cobo, a speaker, author, and military spouse, joins us to share her harrowing yet uplifting tale, encapsulating the essence of what it means to embody 'Unstoppable Grit.' Revel in the raw and moving narrative of Danielle's life, as we unravel her experiences from a homecoming turned bittersweet with her husband's return from deployment, to the profound loss of her mother, and the unforeseen challenges brought on by a global crisis. Her forthcoming book is not just a memoir; it's a beacon for anyone navigating the turbulent seas of adversity, a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there lies an opportunity for growth and rebirth.
Throughout the episode, Danielle's journey unfolds, revealing her transition from grief to forgiveness and how this transformation fortified her spirit. Discover how the act of forgiving her mother's troubled past and eventual suicide led to a path of healing, how her faith and the solidarity of a newfound community provided solace, and how the steadfast support of her husband became her rock. These revelations aren't just her story—they're a testimony to the strength found in the collective spirit of military families and a guidepost for all of us seeking to find light in the shadows. Danielle's leap from self-doubt to creating a flourishing career coaching business exemplifies the serendipity of life's closed doors and the new paths they often conceal. Join us and feel the tangible excitement as we discuss "Unstoppable Grit," a work promising to inspire resilience and offer strategies for building a life of purpose and passion in the face of life's inevitable challenges.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on social media and tag Ken Joslin.
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of as the leader grows. I am your host, ken Jocelyn, and I have got a new friend that I think you guys are going to be ridiculously blessed by. Her name is Danielle Kobo. She's a speaker, author, podcast host and she has got an unbelievable story, as a lot of you guys have heard in the past, walking through COVID, husband deployed, coming home. I'm super excited to bring her to our audience, danielle. Good morning, my friend, how are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing fantastic. How are you doing, Ken?
Speaker 1:I am amazing. It's a little chilly, as we talked about just a minute ago in Birmingham. It's a little cold. Take just a minute and tell our audience a little bit about what you're doing and what you've got going on right now.
Speaker 2:I've got a lot of exciting things going on right now. I feel like 2024 is a year of exciting projects that are coming to fruition. I have a book that is launching February 21st. It's available on Amazon now and Stoppable Grit. It will be shipping out February 21st. I've got some exciting programs that I'm launching this year. I am juggling the balance of being a military spouse, a working mom of twins and just enjoying life as best as I can.
Speaker 1:Anytime. I remember when I wrote my first book a few years ago. There's always something on the inside of you that you're like do I write a book, do I not write a book? I've got this cause. There's this purpose. We talked a little bit off air about our faith and I know your faith is super important to you, so we're going to dive into that day. Why the book? Tell me a little bit about the genesis of where that book came from inside of you.
Speaker 2:When it came to the book. As I had shared, 2020 was a year of a lot of change for a lot of us. In 2020, my husband, the excitement of him returning home from deployment. He had spent a year deployed and he was in Iraq when he left. Our twins at the time were one and a half years old. He comes back All of a sudden. They're responding in conversations to him and they're not in cribs or in toddler beds. It was a big transition. It was exciting and we're grateful that he came home.
Speaker 2:It wasn't an easy transition to go from a war zone to then coming back to, I'd say, the war zone of having twins. Being a parent is tough. It's not an easy job Absolutely best job in the world. Then, shortly after he returned home and there was excitement of that I had actually lost my mom to suicide on March 8th as I was planning her celebration of life. A couple days later, the pandemic shut the world down, so I wasn't even able to go back and process or cope or heal from losing my mom. Then I found the company that I was with for seven years had been acquired and ended up being a very toxic work environment, toxic culture. I ended up leaving the company after seven years.
Speaker 2:I share this because it really was the genesis of the book, which is how did I sharing stories of relatability, of understanding what it's like to have uncertainty, to have change, to feel like you're lost? A lot of times when I'm talking with people I feel like I want clarity and want this next phase of my life is going to be we hit that. I wouldn't say it's a midlife crisis, because I didn't experience a midlife crisis, but I was forced into a situation of there's got to be more to life than just burning the candle at both ends working for somebody else and trying to be a mom and trying to be a military spouse. Am I really happy and fulfilled? That sparked.
Speaker 2:That journey of experiencing those changes sparked a lot of self-discovery, a lot of self-reflection. Ultimately, what came out of that experience was I have this innate grit within society of me and I sometimes didn't know why it was there, how it formulated, but through the journey of writing the book, I was able to figure it out and then help other people, provide the tools so that they can face similar challenges in any changes in their life, and how do they develop the grit and the courage to not survive the demands of life. But how do you thrive?
Speaker 1:Talk to me about. So your husband number one, what branch did you have?
Speaker 2:this His army.
Speaker 1:I was a top pilot in the army Love it, love it, love it. I'm the Air Force guy both brothers Air Force guys as well, so I think one of the things that people don't realize that I do want to take just a second to honor is I was never deployed, never away from my family. Both brothers were in Desert Storm. So they were actually deployed back in the 90s when they went through Desert Storm. So I know that's huge Talk about a year without your husband and you've got twins. I think that's one of the things that I think as Americans we miss on service members is we don't understand the sacrifice that a lot of wives and children make. We always think about the servicemen and people that serve in our military, but the wives and the children, that's a huge, huge sacrifice to not have their dad for the first, you know, year or so of their life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm always really appreciative. I'm always appreciative when people say thank your husband for his service and I'm very appreciative of that because my husband does make a lot of sacrifices for our country and then when people take it a step further and they say thank your family for your service, it hits deeper because there are a lot of sacrifices that many people may not know or we don't talk about as much in the mainstream. But I really believe that our kids are the ones that sacrifice the most, because I know what's going on. I in a way signed up for this lifestyle when I married my husband. I knew that this lifestyle was going to be changes and there's going to be time apart. But my kids didn't necessarily sign up for it, they were just born into it and they're resilient.
Speaker 2:But to go a year without your father is really tough. You want to play baseball with your dad and you want to wrestle. I remember the first thing my kids said when my husband walked in the door was daddy, we want to wrestle, and it's because I always told them wrestling is going to be something fun. You get to do with your dad. I have my own unique plays with them, but wrestling was something fun they get to do with their dad, and so there are a lot of sacrifices.
Speaker 2:And it's not just the year deployment that he's gone. There's the uncertainty of when he's going to be deployed again, the time periods where he is gone for six months maybe he's gone for a month, depending on what happened career course he's in or aviation school and developing new skills. There's a lot of change, uncertainty, there is a lot of time apart and you really. But at the same time you get to learn to be resilient, you get to learn to take care of yourself, take care of others, which in the end. I look back at some of the challenges I went through when he was deployed and I gained a lot of confidence through the process because I started to fix things and repair things around my house that I probably would have just kind of been like hey, babe, add this to the Honey Do List.
Speaker 1:No, I was going to ask you what do you think was maybe one or two of the biggest things you learned about you in that time?
Speaker 2:I learned that I'm a lot more capable than I thought. There was projects that I did around the house. There is a running, there is this joke. I wouldn't even say if it's a joke, but there is something about the minute your spouse deploys, everything in the house breaks. And that is so true. Everything in our house broke Dishwasher, the garage door opener, you name it. It broke. And it encouraged me and put me in a position to say I'm going to figure this out. And I got to have conversations with him over the phone over preference of things, but it was the learning to be self-sufficient. Now, of course, when he got home, I immediately just started adding to the how to Do List, because I love it.
Speaker 2:I've still taken care of when he does it and I am always appreciative when he does, but I learned a lot about being self-sufficient. I learned a lot about the bond between my kids and I is very strong my boys and I there's always that mama's boys, but our bond is very strong because they were my best friends. For a year I lived in a state where I didn't know anybody and I worked a lot and it was at night. It was just the boys and I.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. So your husband comes home and then, shortly after that, you lose your mom to suicide. You're talking about the ability to be able to write a book on unstoppable grit. Walk me through that process, danielle.
Speaker 2:Of losing my mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of your mom and the pain and just I can't even imagine how that felt.
Speaker 2:It was a very confusing time for me because my mom and I my mom is somebody that I had admired and respected for many years growing up. I also my mom and I, had an estranged relationship for 13 years and it was because my mom was my mom suffered from bipolar disorder. My mom kidnapped me from my father when I was two years old and there was a lot of pain and a lot of hurt and there was times where we were really close and then there was times where we were estranged and I started to reach a point in my life where she had been in the hospital a couple months earlier from an attempted suicide and I started to kind of open my heart up and think about well, what would it look like if I tried to work on our relationship, if I tried to find a way to have some sort of relationship, cause she had never met my kids, I hadn't talked to her in years. And right as my heart started to open up and I really started to lean into God and say help me find a way to forgive and help me find a way to just appreciate her for who she is, given the circumstances of what her upbringing was like, and that she was just doing the best that she could, even though I may not agree with some of her decisions. That's when I ended up losing her and I believe that through writing the book, the book was a lot of healing because it really had me dive deep into understanding what forgiveness is.
Speaker 2:And forgiveness you're forgiving the other person for their actions. You're not necessarily saying what they did was okay. It wasn't okay that my mom kidnapped me from my dad. It wasn't okay that she kept me from my dad. But I look at her from a new light and new perspective and saying forgiveness helps me heal. It helps me release the anger, release the gardener, so that I can have a deeper relationship with the people in my life, because if I'm living my life angry and guarded, it's really hard to have deep, meaningful relationships. And it helped me provide a new perspective, like I said with my mom and saying you know what? We are all human, we all make mistakes, and forgiveness does not negate her actions. What forgiveness does is to give her grace and understanding that there's choices that we make, that we may or may not agree, but we get to find a way to kind of work through them together.
Speaker 1:I love that. What me through how important was your faith in that time with your mom.
Speaker 2:My faith. I have been a Christian my entire life. I grew up going to Saddleback Church in California with Rick.
Speaker 1:Warren as my pastor oh.
Speaker 2:Rick.
Speaker 2:Yep yep, rick Warren, and it's always been a part of my life. But I felt like in those moments of that year particularly I remember this moment when I just got down and just was crying and I said I don't understand why this is all happening. I don't understand, like why so much? Why is this mental illness even here? Why is bipolar illness even here? Why are we? Why is it getting to the point where people are taking their lives? And I just asked God to help me find a way to just take it one day at a time. You know you don't heal completely from losing somebody, a family member that you love and somebody that's close to you. You find a way to take life one day at a time, and I wouldn't say that it gets easier. You just find a way to work through it each day.
Speaker 1:And how did you lean into community? Your husband was back at the time when your mother took her life. Yes, talk to me about relationships and community and the people that you were able to lean into to kind of weather that moment and that season in your life.
Speaker 2:I didn't have a lot of people at that time and that was a big eye-opening experience for me. Before as well, my husband was there and he was a huge support system for me. He's always a good support system and he's actually one of the few people that knows my mom, so he knows the pain, but he also knows the grace that I've learned from my mom. But what the experience taught me was how disconnected I was from community. We had moved to Florida. We had been in Florida for five years at the time, and when we moved to Florida, I was working a lot. I was, and then he deployed, and so I really didn't take the time to get connected into the community. But in 2020, I said you know what, if I need something, there's something that I need deeper in my life. Right now, I could read all the books that I could possibly read, but I need something that's really gonna go into the heart and soul of who I am.
Speaker 2:And I started to go back to church. I started to get really involved in the church and I was very grateful that I went to a women's retreat. I went to a women's retreat through our church and I didn't know anybody. It was 200 women and I did not know a single person there and it was scary. And as much as people think that I am extroverted, I actually am quite intimidated by those situations. But I went and I'm extremely grateful that I took that risk and just putting myself out there, because I met a group of women that I have now been very close with. We would get together once a month and I know that at any given time I have a community at this point that is gonna surround me with love and comfort and care and I'm so grateful for the relationships that I have now, community and relationships are huge.
Speaker 1:God did not design us to be able to do this journey alone, especially with some of the different things that we face, like you face, with your husband being deployed, your mother taking her life, covid with all that came with that. So all of these things, all of these different things are happening in your life. Give me kind of the moment you were like man, I've got such a story that it can really help people. I've got to put this into a book, like I've got to get this out of me so I can give this to the world to help other people.
Speaker 2:That moment didn't come until, I would say, two, maybe a year and a half, two years later. I had a lot of work to do on myself before I could help other people. So and that's where that book, where that's where the book comes from and stems from is because I talk about what were the steps that I took for self-discovery.
Speaker 2:I took time to learn how to redefine. I tied so much of my identity to my career and my job and my title and what I was making, and I tied it so much into what society's expectations are for what success is versus what success truly is for me. And so I didn't start the writing the book till about a year and a half later. And I'm glad that I waited, because the book in itself was a lot of self-discovery and healing, because I really had to dig in deep into understanding the why behind some of the decisions that were made and be able to provide people with the practical tools to develop grit. But I needed to do the work myself before I could even put anything into a book.
Speaker 1:So talk to me about you just said the practical tools to develop grit. Talk to your audience about some of the things that you pulled out of your experiences to be able to create some framework for people, to be able to establish some grit.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So one of the first steps that I took was I wanted to understand who I was and where grit actually came from is. I took a step and I put myself out there on social media and I reached out to my friends and my family and I said, if there's maybe a couple words to describe me, what would it be? And people started pouring in with comments of empowering, driven, motivated grit was one of the ones that kept coming up and I was kind of going grit, what is this word? And it's passion and perseverance towards long-term goals.
Speaker 2:And I remember kind of seeing these words pop up and I ended up taking these words and I put them into a word cloud, which is a fun exercise to do, and I started to see a theme.
Speaker 2:And then the next post that I said is if there is a way, if I've made an impact in your life, a positive impact in your life, please share how. And people started to write in and people started to write. The common theme was you're able to see something in me that I haven't been able to see in myself, or you've helped me build confidence, or you've helped me pursue jobs that I never would have thought about pursuing, or you've helped me a lot of. It was about confidence building and I said, well, if this is something that I'm good at and I love doing, I love helping people, how can I combine my passion and my purpose into this new career of what I wanted to do and that's what sparked my journey into starting a business, which right now, I do a lot of helping people find their job, succeed in their career, really build a career in a life that they love, and that's kind of what an exercise is. Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 1:When you started getting these responses back, people started describing words and then they're describing things you've done. Did some of the answers surprise you?
Speaker 2:Yes, because and I think that a lot of times people see in us what we don't see in ourselves. And there was all these positive comments of what people were saying and I go. I didn't realize I had made such an impact on people's lives in a positive way until I saw it firsthand and that in itself kind of helped me build. I was at a moment where I was so low in my life that even just those little comments helped build confidence, helped build self-esteem, helped build momentum. To just take it one day further, Because isn't it amazing?
Speaker 1:We talked a little bit about Distalalia, about how much and how important community was when you walked through that season and I think sometimes because when you're sharing with me what everybody's saying, that's my question was like did you see that?
Speaker 1:Because oftentimes we don't see ourselves the way everybody else does, especially because you and I, when you said this earlier, are super similar in that when I gave my life to Christ in August of 93, for whatever reason God had given, I've pastored for 15 years almost 15 years is. I've always had the ability to be able to see purpose inside of people and see man, there is greatness, there are things inside of you that you don't see. But it's so time, so often it's hard for us to flip that and be able to see that in ourselves, and so just super curious. So you're getting ready, you're writing this book, you're doing an unstoppable grit, you're getting all this feedback. When was the moment when you're getting this feedback and you're like, okay, yes, I'm super excited about this. I want to take what God's given me to be able to help other people.
Speaker 2:I don't think it was one moment. I believe it was a lot of several little moments. I remember there was a time where I had no intention of starting a business, so what happened was is I started to post on. When I was sort of look on LinkedIn, I said, okay, well, I need to really look at what is my brand as a professional and how am I going to build my brand on LinkedIn. And I started to post positive posts. I started to share insights on what leadership is, how to find a job, because I was a hiring manager, so I had the experience and I felt like in 2020, there was so much uncertainty and there were so many people out there that were discouraged because they were either worried that they were going to lose their job or they had just lost their job, and I felt like there was so much negativity out there that I wanted to bring some positivity out there. So I started posting on LinkedIn and as I started to post on LinkedIn, I started to share some of my challenges and my struggles and the self-doubts that I had and what I was working through. People started to reach out to me and ask for advice.
Speaker 2:And then what would happen? And these were the little moments that I knew that God was really speaking to me, and that was every time that I would either apply for a job, go for an interview. Something would happen, like it either wouldn't align the territory of us in sales, so either the territory wouldn't be in my backyard or something would happen where that door would shut. And right as that door would shut, and I would go God, please help me understand this the next day something would happen where people would want to hire me to help them with career coaching, and so I said, okay, well, why don't I just try this? Why don't I just explore, maybe kind of starting a business, and every single time a door would shut in getting a job in the corporate world, I would start, maybe open up my LLC, start building a website, start making little progresses within my business, and every single time a door would shut in corporate, a door would open in my business. I would get a new client that would come on and get some momentum.
Speaker 2:And I still pray this prayer consistently. And it is God open the doors that you want me to walk through and close the doors that you want to redirect me to something greater, because I don't always know the why on why doors shut, but I know when I look back on my life and the challenges that I've overcome and the adversity that I've faced, there's always been a purpose. And I may not see it now, but God always has a plan.
Speaker 1:Isn't it crazy?
Speaker 1:We all you know I know you've probably heard this before he never shows up on our timing, but he's always on time, you know it's like you know, and I think part of the, I think part of the the, the development in the maturity in you know, in a person of faith, is when you get to the point to real like, okay, God, it's not in my timing, Like, whatever that looks like for you and whatever you're walking me through and whatever the purpose is for me walking through what I'm walking through in order, for it's really always tied to our, to our divine purpose that God puts in our life to be able to make a greater impact. Tell me a little bit about the books coming out in the next. You said February.
Speaker 2:February 21st. It's available on Amazon now.
Speaker 1:Okay, guys, so you get. So you've got a month, about six weeks, for the book. What are you most excited about?
Speaker 2:I'm excited, I think about. I'm a big believer in envisioning what you want to happen and have that being the guiding light. I wrote this book because I wanted to make a positive impact on people's lives. I wanted people to have the tools to overcome adversity, the tools to build a career in life that they love. And my hope is is just like when I was receiving those messages when I started to share my story online.
Speaker 2:My hope is that when people start to read this book, they start to respond and go hey, this chapter really resonated with me. I've been in a similar situation and it was so nice. I'm starting to see, because people have access to the book on Goodreads and I'm starting to see those reviews come in, and I still have doubts. I put stories in there that my best friend, she just read the book and she says I had no idea that your upbringing was to the depth of challenges that it was. And she says but I love, I feel like you were sitting right by me talking in a conversation, like it was having a conversation with a friend, and there's so much practical stuff, tools that are in there. She said it was really helpful and that's my hope. My hope is that people take the tools and they apply them.
Speaker 1:And what would you say to somebody right now, danielle, who is a year or two behind where you're at, and they're walking through some of the storms and they're walking through some of the seasons that really don't make a lot of sense, and they're questioning and asking okay, god, why?
Speaker 2:You're not alone. There's people that have been there and I think, I believe that the hardest part in those situations is we think that maybe we're the only one going through it or but we're not the only ones that have gone through it. And there's people out there who have gone through challenges just like you are, and sometimes it's just a matter of somebody having the courage and sharing their story. And it's walking alongside you and knowing that it's not easy. You're seeing me two and a half years or three years past all of this experience, so I'm able to talk about it now, but I'm going to be honest and transparent with you that during those six months, I cried. Every single day, I had panic attacks. It was not an easy journey. So, yes, you're seeing me happy and grateful and sharing this message with encouragement, but no, that I didn't start there. It took a lot of work to get there.
Speaker 1:And so what were some of the things that kept you going through that process? Like, what would you say to encourage some people that are right in the middle of where you used to be?
Speaker 2:Number one my faith. My faith is something that I really leaned into. I don't know the exact statistics that are out there. There was an Instagram reel that I was watching, but it broke down the statistics of how often you're in the word and the impact that it makes within your life, and so I've listened to a couple of your episodes and you talk about reading and you talk about the value of pouring into yourself and personal growth, and in the same, I started to see the real transformation in my life when I started to get in the word on a consistent basis.
Speaker 2:The people that it wasn't just going to church on Sundays. It was going to church on Sundays, it was listening to the Bible on the morning app, it was getting involved in my community and leaning on people, and I would say, too, for those that are going through something right now, I'm going to reframe what asking for help is, because a lot of times, we think asking for help is a burden on to others. Instead, when we ask for, when we, there's studies that show that people that volunteer live happier lives. They're helping others, and so when we ask for help, what happens is the other person experiences fulfillment because they feel like they're being needed. There's a fulfillment associated to it and it actually releases the hormone dopamine, which is related to happiness. So, instead of thinking of asking for help as being a burden on to others, think about asking for help as an opportunity for somebody to experience joy, fulfillment and be more connected in with you and building a deeper relationship.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that, Danielle. Best way for somebody to be getting in touch with you.
Speaker 2:Get in touch with me on my website at DanielleCobocom.
Speaker 1:And Instagram the DanielleCobo.
Speaker 2:Yep, I'm on every platform. You can just search DanielleCobo. You'll find me on LinkedIn. You'll find me on Instagram, twitter. I'm everywhere, but also the podcast.
Speaker 1:And we'll drop a link, guys, for her new book. You can get it on Amazon today. I guess the Amazon is the electronic copy on Amazon.
Speaker 2:You could purchase the Kindle version now and then also the hardback and paperback, but they won't actually ship until February 21st. Got you best, which is perfect timing, because it's right when 87% of people give up on their New Year's resolutions by the second week of February. So it's specifically because there's a lot of goals setting in there why it releases that week.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. Danielle, thank you for your transparency, your story. Again, thank you, your husband, your family for your service and I'm excited to hear more about your book when it comes out in next month and just the difference in impact you're continuing to make.
Speaker 2:Thank you and likewise thank you for your service for you and your family.
Speaker 1:You're more than welcome, guys. Thank you for joining us on another episode of Ask the Leader Grows. If this episode has added value to you, which I know it has, do me a favor. Hit that subscribe button. Leave us a five star review. Snap a screenshot on your phone while you're listening to this in the car. If you'll share it on your Instagram with myself, tag Danielle Kobo on there as well, we'll both give you some love for all the audiences. We'll see you next time on Ask the Leader Grows.