Have you ever wondered how letting your true self shine could spell success in love, particularly when you're swamped with entrepreneurial ventures? This episode peels back the curtain on the elusive quest for authenticity in romantic relationships. I share my personal revelations about how genuine connections are not just about saving time but tapping into a divine alignment and personal evolution. It's a candid exploration of why fun is just one slice of the dating pie, with insights from my own journey as a single entrepreneur searching for a partner who truly complements my life.
Choosing a life partner is akin to finding the ultimate co-pilot on the entrepreneurial flight path. Today, I reflect on the hunt for my ideal mate, taking cues from the virtuous Proverbs 31 woman, and discuss why it's crucial to have a partner who mirrors your faith, dynamism, and life balance. This conversation isn't shy about the other pieces of the puzzle either – from the necessity of laughter and activity to the undeniable power of attraction. I urge you to pinpoint your non-negotiables, as these decisions are a mirror to your own self, highlighting the profound impact of mutual kindness and support in your journey together.
And what's an episode on heart matters without a bit of soul-stirring music? As we close, remember it's about asking the hard questions and learning to listen for the true beat of your partner's heart. With authenticity and purpose as your compass, this episode is an invitation to navigate the dating scene armed with selectivity and emotional wisdom.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on social media and tag Ken Joslin.
Have you ever wondered how letting your true self shine could spell success in love, particularly when you're swamped with entrepreneurial ventures? This episode peels back the curtain on the elusive quest for authenticity in romantic relationships. I share my personal revelations about how genuine connections are not just about saving time but tapping into a divine alignment and personal evolution. It's a candid exploration of why fun is just one slice of the dating pie, with insights from my own journey as a single entrepreneur searching for a partner who truly complements my life.
Choosing a life partner is akin to finding the ultimate co-pilot on the entrepreneurial flight path. Today, I reflect on the hunt for my ideal mate, taking cues from the virtuous Proverbs 31 woman, and discuss why it's crucial to have a partner who mirrors your faith, dynamism, and life balance. This conversation isn't shy about the other pieces of the puzzle either – from the necessity of laughter and activity to the undeniable power of attraction. I urge you to pinpoint your non-negotiables, as these decisions are a mirror to your own self, highlighting the profound impact of mutual kindness and support in your journey together.
And what's an episode on heart matters without a bit of soul-stirring music? As we close, remember it's about asking the hard questions and learning to listen for the true beat of your partner's heart. With authenticity and purpose as your compass, this episode is an invitation to navigate the dating scene armed with selectivity and emotional wisdom.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on social media and tag Ken Joslin.
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of as the leader grows. I am your host, ken Jocelyn, and back by popular demand and dating 911, part 3, and I want to share. I want to share a truth with you guys. I have gotten more feedback on these two episodes of dating 911 than any other podcast that I've ever done More downloads, more feedback, more controversy, more of everything. More than anything I've gotten on any other episode that I've ever done which tells me there's a lot of people out there.
Speaker 1:Number one you're entrepreneurial, so you don't have a lot of time, you're focused, you're busy, you're you're looking at your life, you're like man listen, I'd love to have a partner, and some people ask me this again why a partner? You're 55 years old, you're single, you're an eligible bachelor, you're doing some amazing things, you've got amazing friends, amazing life, amazing kids. Why a partner? Let me say this the reason that I want to partner and I get asked this question a lot do you want to get married again? Yes, 100% yes. Why? Because I believe, as I shared in the last episode in the context of relationship, is the only way number one for you to be in alignment with what God has for your life in a relationship. And number two I really believe it helps you become the best version of yourself. So I want to share this truth with you guys as I kick in to dating 911, part 3. The more you show up as your authentic self in a romantic relationship, the sooner your future with that potential partner will come into focus. Let me say that again the more that you show up as your authentic self in an in a romantic relationship, the sooner you will see the potential of that future partner.
Speaker 1:Because what happens is a lot of times we date we're afraid to ask questions, we're afraid to have conversations, we're afraid to ask. We go into a dating relationship looking to do what? Have fun. Listen, I love to have fun. I love tacos and margaritas with the best of them. But, and I think for me, probably over the past couple years kind of, in this single-life dating scene, the thing that's probably changed the most for me is I can go out and have fun by myself. I can go out and have fun with my friends. I've got a lot of people. I've got a lot of girl friends who we're just really close. I can go hang out with them, like I did this past Sunday at church and then brunch and we're just really good friends and I can spend time and have fun. I don't want to waste my most important investment, which is my time. So again I'm gonna say it the whole premise of this, this podcast today on as the leader grows, as we're in dating 911, part 3, I feel like a scream or a Halloween or a Friday the 13th. It just keeps coming and coming and coming.
Speaker 1:But the more I process through relationships, the more conversations I have man, the more I realize what I've been through and the things that I've experienced and the things that I've learned are things that our audience needs to know. So your entrepreneurial, the number one resource and commodity you have, is what your time. You can make money, spend money and go make more money, but you only have a certain amount of time that has been allotted to you. When that time's gone, you're done. You can't go to the bank and buy more time. You can't go and say you know what I'd like to relive this day, or have eight hours back or a year back. You can't do that.
Speaker 1:So when it comes to building a romantic relationship, trying to find a partner, I want to encourage you this the more you show up as your authentic self in a romantic relationship, the sooner the potential of that partner will come into focus. You realize quick yes, or you realize quick no, because it's not about just the fun and the things and the memories and I heard someone say this a couple months ago on Instagram. I saw a reel and he said the dating life and the dating scene or the dating relationships that you and I have, they're not for the pictures and the postcards and the cute things on Instagram. They're not for that If you're dating and I'm gonna talk about this in just a minute. But if you're dating with a purpose, you are intentional on what you're doing because you are looking for a partner. So I'm gonna talk about three or four things today that we need to do. If you're single, you're an entrepreneur, you listen to this. If you're married and you know a single entrepreneur, they need to listen to this episode. Copy paste it, send it to them right now. So the truth and I've shared it already, but I'm gonna share it one more time the more you show up in a romantic relationship as your authentic self, the sooner your future with that potential partner will come into focus.
Speaker 1:So how do we do that? Three things number one write this down. I want you to date with a purpose, and I just mentioned it date with a purpose. Guys, be choosy. Ladies, be choosy. My therapist, lauren Zoller. She's one of the most amazing human beings on the planet. One of the things Lauren had me do was write out a paper of my ideal partner, and she asked me in this exercise, through probably two of our therapy sessions over a couple weeks, I wrote down.
Speaker 1:I think I have about six or seven paragraphs of what I want my ideal partner to look like, and it starts with a Proverbs 31 woman. Like exactly what does that look like? So I wanna encourage you Like what does your partner look like? When I say, be choosy, write it down For me. I want a partner that is a Proverbs 31 woman. If you're a person of faith, you understand what that means. It's someone who loves God, who is passionate about God. They understand how to be an entrepreneur. They understand how to take care of a home. They understand how to take care of themselves. They understand how to honor the people in their lives, honor their partner, honor themselves, honor their relationship with Jesus. Just a list of things in Proverbs 31. So that's the first one. I think the next sentence is we laugh a lot, we have a lot of fun together.
Speaker 1:I want a partner, guys for me, specifically because you know me you follow me on Instagram or my podcast my butt's up at 4 am. I want somebody that wants to go to the gym with me several days a week. I want to do life with my partner. I don't want to partner where I get up and I go to work and she goes her way and I go my way and we circle back together at 5 or 5.30 that evening, exhausted from the day. I want a partner that I can do life with. So when it comes to you and you're single and you're looking for a partner, be choosy, write it down what you want.
Speaker 1:I want somebody to go to the gym with me. I want somebody to dance and laugh with me in the kitchen while we cook together. I love to cook, I love to grill, I love it. I have a really, really good wine collection. Thank you for Christopher Creek in Hillsburg and thank you, darryl Eust and Napa. I have a great wine collection and I love wine. I want someone that I can take. I've got this little looker here on my desk. I have it right here for those of you guys watching. I want somebody that I can take this little Bose speaker with and get in the kitchen and turn some Frank Sinatra or some salsa on and we can dance while we cook dinner together. I want someone that we can laugh and when in the middle of the day we want to go shut the bedroom door and have fun together, we can do that.
Speaker 1:I literally have listed out what I want my ideal partner to look like and I want to encourage you be choosy. Who do you want? What does your partner look like? And for me and this is a I think I did this with Lauren probably a year ago started to identify what I wanted my ideal partner to look like, because then when I see things in the relationship where I'm going, ooh like I dated a girl, great woman, we had a great time together, so you want to sleep till 9, 9.30 every day. That's you're not my girl. Like, that's not who I'm looking for. And immediately I knew because why I was choosy and I had defined exactly what I was looking for. I knew she wasn't my partner. We had a lot of fun together. We had some great times together, but I knew immediately, within about two and a half to three weeks, this is not my partner, didn't want to go to the gym, wasn't involved, didn't want to, didn't want to really be physically fit. There was just some things that I'm like. This is just not. It's not who I want. It's not who I want to be with. Even though some of the other boxes I check, this is not a box I'm willing to negotiate on.
Speaker 1:One of the other things Lauren asked me when I was creating this list, when I talk about being choosy, was what does she look like? And so, for me, I'm not super choosy on what she looks like. I really don't care if she's black, I really don't care if she's white, I don't care if she's tall, I don't care if she's short. I want her to be somewhat physically fit. I like healthy girls, if you know what I mean. So I wasn't real concerned with exactly like she was. I remember when we walked through this exercise is she a blonde? Is she a brunette? Is she a redhead? I'm like I really don't care.
Speaker 1:The internal stuff for me is more important than the external stuff. Obviously, I have to be physically attracted to her. Obviously, it has to be somebody who's somewhat in shape because she likes to go to the gym Like I like to go to the gym and her health and her nutrition and those things are super important to her. But I really don't have a yes, I want her to be this way or I want her to be that way. That was not something that was Uber important. So, be choosy, write down exactly what you want. Guys, let me say this to you men that are listening the type of woman that you wind up choosing says more about you than it does her. The type of woman that you end up choosing says more about you, men, than it does her. Who are you choosing? One of the benchmarks in my list of things that I am looking for is someone who is kind. Someone who is kind, who is sweet, who is kind, who reciprocates what I bring to the relationship.
Speaker 1:One of the biggest red flags in a relationship that I've had over the past year in a specific relationship was her inability to be able to reciprocate Like it. Just it wasn't there. There was, she just didn't have the capacity to be able to reciprocate because of where she was in her life or in the season of life and the work that she needed to continue to do on herself. She couldn't reciprocate. And I talked about this I don't know, probably a month or two in a podcast and this was this was the situation to where I live in one city, she lives in another one.
Speaker 1:We see each other from time to time and I was like, listen, since you live there and I'm here, I want to connect every day through on a FaceTime call before we go to bed. Two minutes, three minutes doesn't have to be a ton of time. And after we had a conversation about being exclusive, which was great and everything was working fine up until that conversation. And then the next, like literally six, seven days goes by and I would get them at nighttime you know she's an hour ahead. I'd get a text hey, I'm tired, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hey, I'm tired, I'm going to bed, I'll talk to you tomorrow. And it was like we literally didn't get a chance to connect, but maybe two days out of seven. And finally I had the conversation.
Speaker 1:I said, listen, we talked about this. Like this is one of the things that I need. This is one of the things that I need to be able to connect with you. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know literally the good, the bad, bad and the ugly about who you are. And in order for me to be able to do that, I've got to have time and feel like we are connected. She couldn't do it. We stopped the exclusivity thing. I did immediately. Hey, okay, I understand. We've even got different definitions of what being exclusive said. And this is one of the things she said to me and I think I mentioned this a couple of months ago. She looked at me and she goes Ken, that's very needy. And I immediately replied. I said listen, I don't need you, I choose you. I don't need you, I choose you.
Speaker 1:So, men and women, the moment you move in your search for a partner, from needing a partner to choosing a partner, two things are gonna happen. Number one you're gonna know, yes, man, this journey of becoming whole, this journey of becoming me, becoming the best version of myself when it comes to my relationships, man, I'm awful, close and listen, take a minute, be super proud of yourself because it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. I can't tell you how many hours and how much money I've spent on therapy in the past two to two and a half years. It's a lot. I wouldn't trade my experience in therapy or reading the books that I've read, having the conversations that I've had, or even my experience in some of the relationships I've had. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Speaker 1:But you have got to move from needing someone to choosing someone. And just because you need something like that in a relationship and everybody that I shared this with my really really close girl friends several married they would ask me. I got a call. I actually got a call from a good friend, january Donovan, in this process in January asked me and I told her and she said oh can. She said I long for the day that you find a woman that understands who you are and what you bring to the table. And it's funny when she said that I even told her. I said I told this woman that I was dating. I've told her several times. I said when you realize who's sitting across the table from you, you'll treat me differently. And the reality of it is it came to a point to where and I'm gonna go right into from the need to choose, move from the need of having to have a relationship, to choosing a relationship, and when you do that, guys, you'll be amazed at how you feel about yourself and the people that God brings in your life.
Speaker 1:Second thing find your voice. Find your voice. So the second thing, guys, is find your voice. You've gotta be able to find your voice. You've got to be able to ask deep questions. Listen, it's okay to create uncomfortable moments. Tension in the dating relationship is a good thing. Not drama, but tension two totally different things. Because tension is I'm trying to find out who you really are. I want you to know who I really am, because in that process, when you see who I am fully and I'm able to learn who you are fully and I get the ah, okay, this could be somebody that I could potentially see myself with long term, this could be somebody that God has in for me in my life, that I could build a life with.
Speaker 1:So, ask the right questions In your dating relationship. I ask early. I ask early hey, talk to me about what commitment looks like to you. Listen, I'm not asking for us to get committed. This is our third date. Or we've been dating for a week, or we've been dating for two weeks, but there's a connection, there's an attraction, there's. I mean, you're fun, we're having a great time, all of the things look good.
Speaker 1:But when you start asking these questions, what you'll begin to see is you'll begin to see a behind the curtain. Look at the person that you're with, guy or girl. You'll start, when you start asking the questions, they start pulling the curtain back. You'll start to see inside their heart and you'll realize really, really quick whether or not this person is for you. So find your voice, ask deep questions. It's okay to create tension. It's okay to create uncomfortable moments. Listen.
Speaker 1:Second thing on this is don't waste your time. When you ask great questions, when you talk about, tell me what commitment means to you. Tell me what to be exclusive in a relationship with someone that you're trying to develop a relationship with and discover whether or not they could be your partner. Tell me what that means to you. Do you notice I was silent? I just give them time to respond. Give them time to go. Okay, what does this look like?
Speaker 1:And the one thing that started this entire dating 911 three-part series so far and it might even have more, who knows was the quote that I did a few months ago about ladies, don't tell me how long you've been single. Tell me how long you've been with your therapist. And again, today I was sharing this with a couple of friends and they were like oh, is it just ladies? I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's men just as well. Men have got to do the work, so it doesn't matter. Just in my case, I'm not dating guys, I'm dating girls. So in my case, this was like I'm spoken from my perspective ladies, don't tell me how long you've been single. Tell me how long you've been with your therapist.
Speaker 1:Now, listen when you find your voice. Here's the next step for you. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they say when you ask a question, zip it and listen. And let me give you some painful advice. Let me give you some. I paid for this, this was expensive.
Speaker 1:When they tell you that they have commitment issues, listen. They tell you that they have a problem reciprocating in a relationship. Listen For me. Sometimes and it's funny, nate says this all the time one of my best friends, nate, goes, ken, he goes.
Speaker 1:You always believe the best of the other person and I do. It's what makes me super special in what I do. It's what makes people want to be around me. It's what makes me a great encourager. It's what makes me a great friend. It's what makes me a great father. It's really. It's one of the, it's one of the characteristics that really makes me who I am. I do believe the best of everyone.
Speaker 1:The problem is the flip side of that coin, as John Maxwell would say, can get you in trouble because, just as I, just as I, believe the best of the other individual, when they tell me I have commitment, commitment issues, I'm like, well, let's just see. Let's just, let's just continue to do this and see how it goes. When they tell me or they tell you that they have, listen, I don't know that I can reciprocate what you're bringing into the relationship. Listen, because when you don't, guys, you really go against everything that I'm talking about in that pot in this podcast date with a purpose be choosy. And if someone can literally tell you out of their mouth repeatedly, can I have commitment issues, guy, girl, whatever, if they have commitment issues?
Speaker 1:In the South we have a saying it's called cut bait and run. Listen. When you're fishing and you get your bait cut up, caught up in a tree, the more time you try to spend getting that that hook out of that tree, the more time you're not fishing, cut bait and run. I don't. Guys. It can be the most amazing human being, the most amazing relationship. You can have connection, you can have chemistry, you can have all the things, but listen. If they can't show up, listen very high price I paid for this information If they can't show up for you consistently and reciprocate what you're bringing to the table and they're telling you that they have commitment issues at the beginning of a relationship, when it's supposed to be the honeymoon season, you need to listen. And again, when you choose to believe the best of people and you choose to believe, I can help anybody. Sometimes that is a hard lesson to learn.
Speaker 1:Just to recap, the more you show up as your authentic self in a romantic relationship, the more, the more and the sooner and quicker the potential of that partner will come into focus. Guys, listen. Date with a purpose, find your voice, ask the right questions and, when you find your voice, listen to their voice. If you will listen to the person that you're dating's voice when you ask questions or you're having conversation, if you will listen. Listen, guys. This is why emotions in the very beginning of a dating relationship which I haven't been great at in the past, I will admit I have not been great at this I have let emotions cloud judgment. When emotions are high, intelligence is low, and that includes emotional intelligence. Keep the emotions out of it. Look at it for what it is, be choosy, find your voice and then listen to their voice. Guys, I hope this has helped you.
Speaker 1:This episode of as the Leader Grows dating 911, back by popular demand. Part three guys, show up as your authentic self. You owe it to you, you owe it to the person you brush your teeth with in the mirror every single day to show up for your authentic self. And when you can create and draw healthy, safe boundaries and healthy, safe boundaries include someone who says I can't commit, I have commitment issues, I can't show up for you the way that you show up for me. When that happens, guys, you have no choice but to walk away. As painful as it is, I don't care how much vision, how much you see, how much potential. Listen, you're not dating potential, you're dating the person that is there. We don't date potential and we don't date projects. We date who's in front of us. That doesn't mean they have to be perfect, just like I said last week. The third part of that is the length of time that we've spent in healthy relationships, because that really is the fine tuning that help us become the best version of ourselves. Guys, again thank you for joining us on this episode of as the Leader Grows. I am your host, ken Jocelyn Listen.
Speaker 1:March 14th, 15th, 16th in Atlanta, georgia, the third annual CREATE conference. Myself, irwin McManus, john Maxwell, vic Keller, randy Garn, marie Cosgrove an unbelievable lineup. My good friend, sean Mike Phil Stringer is gonna come in and drop bombs on AI. My good friend, zach Woodfin, who is the strength and conditioning coach, was the USFL. They just merged with the XFL. Strength and conditioning coach played in an FL for a spell. He's in my mastermind with Irwin out in LA. It's crazy. He lives 10 minutes for me. We work out together and hang out together and I had to go to LA to meet him.
Speaker 1:Guys, you do not wanna miss CREATE conference. Grosstechdrivecom forward slash CREATE Atlanta Early bird tickets all the way through the end of January. You have a few weeks left on that. Do not miss this opportunity. Three days, core five faith, health, relationship, business and finances. We will spend three days with about 500 of the best entrepreneurs in America faith-based entrepreneurs.
Speaker 1:I've got my good friend Ashley Hess, co-writer of the song Yet, touring with Maverick City. Their whole band's coming in. They'll do cover tunes. We'll do worship sets. It's going to be an amazing experience. Do not miss your opportunity and, as always, if this podcast is blessed, you do me a couple of things. Number one subscribe. Number two if you would go over to leave us a five-star review, snap a screenshot, share it when you're listening, pop it on Instagram and I'll give you some love with my fam. I love you guys. Thank you so much for your feedback on this topic, because this is a topic that I believe needs to be talked about and shouted from the rooftops. Love you guys. I'll see you next week on as the Leader Grows.