As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin

Coaching with Ken | The Path to Authentic Leadership

• Ken Joslin

Share episode

Have you ever wondered whether you're living an authentic life, or simply putting on a facade? Join me as I explore the importance of living with authenticity and urgency, and share stories that will challenge you to embrace your true self. I dive deep into the significance of vulnerability and courage in being genuine, and how these qualities contribute to impactful leadership.

In this conversation, I reflect on the pivotal moments that have shaped our understanding of authenticity, such as my daughter's recognition of my consistency both at home and on stage. We also discuss how sharing our personal stories can help us connect with others in meaningful ways, ultimately encouraging healing and growth. Tune in and be inspired to live a life that truly represents who you are, embracing your mistakes and experiences as catalysts for positive change.

Welcome to the ATLG podcast I am your host Ken Joslin, former pastor turned coach & host of CREATE, the #1 Faith-based Entrepreneur conference in America. My mission is to help faith-based entrepreneurs become the best version of themselves by growing in our Core 5: Faith, Health, Relationships, Business & Finances. You can get more information as well as join our FREE Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/676347099851525

If you enjoyed the podcast, come join our FREE GSD Community of hundreds of entrepreneurs & a ton of FREE Content including CREATE Conference recordings with Ken, John Maxwell, Gary Brecka, Ed Mylett & more. growstackdrive.com/free

Speaker 1:

Good morning, fam. Welcome to another episode of As the Leader Grows. I am your host, ken Jocelyn where we are super passionate about helping business leaders build confidence, gain clarity and create community And listen. We are on the heels of our second Create conference this year, the number one entrepreneur conference in the South, coming to Dallas, texas. Ladies and gentlemen, good friends like Brendan Brishard, randy Garn, gary Brecca gosh, amberley Lago, katherine John Gordon, erwin McManus, jordan Peterson And we've got an unbelievable lineup coming your way. It's going to be amazing. Growsstackdrivecom forward slash create Dallas.

Speaker 1:

But today, on this episode of Coaching with Ken, i want to talk to you a little bit about. We just we're coming off of the last kind of episode, if you want to call it, kind of Coaching with Ken moment, talking about embracing the hourglass and really understanding the brevity of life. And I went through Psalms 90, verse 12, about teach me to count my days or to number my days, so that I may grow in wisdom and understanding that there's just we've got to have a sense of urgency. So I talked about a sense of urgency last week. This week I want to talk about a sense of authenticity, and you really can't have a sense of authenticity apart from having a sense of urgency. So I'm in LA last week or a couple weeks ago, staying with my good friend Jeff at his house in Calabasas, and I've taken Jeff's. He's got a little m 60, the little electric BMW. Actually, i think he's got an m four which is the electric one And he's got the little SUV. But we're in the SUV And I'm I'm going, i'm going back and forth, obviously, to Hollywood to my good friend Erwin McManus is mastermind, that I'm a part of and a couple, two or three days that week And I'm in the car.

Speaker 1:

And you know, if you've ever ridden an electric car, the first time I rode in one. Last year we were in Salt Lake City to see my good friend Randy Garn, and Jeff and I were in a Tesla. You know, when you, when you mass the gas pedal I wouldn't be gas pedal when you mass the accelerator pedal, i guess would be the better term for an electric vehicle, that thing will put you in the back of the seat. I mean it's, it's. You know those cars now are faster than you know. Take off, they're faster than I mean. I've had some really nice cars in the past, from Corvettes to AMG, mercedes to Porsche. I mean, i've had some really nice cars and I've had some fast cars, nothing like these cars.

Speaker 1:

But we're in, we're in Jeff's BMW m 60. And when you take off it makes this really really cool sound. And I'm like dude, isn't it so cool that this car makes that kind of a noise when you take off, like you can? you know it sounds like something from a futuristic movie, you know, when Star Wars or some kind of hovercraft takes off, it's just a really cool sound. And I just thought I was like man, it's really cool how they created these engines so they make this noise. Or created this not an engine, it's a battery, i guess, but it's cool how they made it. You know to where these batteries make that noise and it sounds so futuristic.

Speaker 1:

And Jeff looked at me and he said, brother, it's not real, he goes, i can change the types of sounds that this that you hear. And he literally scrolls through this dashboard, this huge you know, it's like a little mini iPad pro looking dashboard on that BMW m 60. And literally it has like eight different sound effects. So when you master gas you've got all these different sound effects that happen. And he said he said, brother, he goes that's not a real sound, that's just a facade. It's not real, you know, in fact, you can choose from different settings. And so here I was, riding in the car, thinking that that sound was just an authentic sound, that's coming from this m 60. And it's not. I can change the sound to be how I want it to be. And we're sitting in the car, and as soon as he said that, i grabbed my phone and I started writing notes down.

Speaker 1:

You know, here's the question I want to ask you today. When we talked about last week, about, you know, living with a sense of urgency, today I want to talk about living with a sense of urgency when it comes to you living an authentic life, when it comes to you and I living out who God created us to be every single day this morning, without, without fail, i'm sitting, i've got my planner open, i've got my my nice Mont Blanc pen that my best friend bought me 20 plus years ago when I closed my first real estate deal, and quoted the day am I living up to the potential that Jesus has placed on my life? and inside that potential, or really I would say inside the DNA of that potential and the thing that causes that potential to sprout and grow is authenticity. And here I am in this m 60, thinking that it's making an authentic sound and it's not at all. It's programmed.

Speaker 1:

And what in our life are we representing in a similar fashion? What in our life are we representing in a similar fashion like that BMW M60? What facade are we replacing that we want people to see or hear? What are we portraying on our social media in the way that we live our lives, which makes people think our life is one way, when it's actually not? I'm sitting in Irwin's living room a couple weeks ago, actually two weeks ago. Today I'm sitting in these living room and he's talking about integrity, and I love the word integrity. I actually did a podcast on it not too long ago about how integrity means to be whole. To be integrity means to be whole, and you can't be you can't be fractions of yourself that are authentic, or or integrists and other areas that aren't like your life has to be authentic. So the question I want to ask is to I want us to ask ourselves. I asked myself this question, like I don't ever bring something or pose to my audience a question that I'm not willing to look myself right in the mirror and go Ken, what in your life are you representing? that's that is just a facade. That's not really the way that it is. That makes people think your life is one way, when it's really not.

Speaker 1:

What do people see and hear from your social media? What do people see and hear from you when you get together? You know, about a year and a half ago, at my first create conference, i took the stage behind John Maxwell, which was, you know, i guess the second, third time that I've done that in 20 years, and I got up on stage. You know the bands playing. We're having a phenomenal time. We're kicking off day one after our pre-conference night the night before And John gets up and just crushes it, as he always does, and I get up and I said, listen, i want to talk to you this morning about. I want to pull back the curtain and talk to you about what it looks like behind the curtain.

Speaker 1:

You know, and I think, the one thing about my life that if you know, something were to happen to me and you know I had friends come to speak at my funeral I would hope the one thing that they would say in the common thread and the DNA throughout the conversations. That day would be about how Ken lives an authentic life, about how it didn't matter what mistakes I've made a bunch of mistakes, people go all the time. I hear, kim, you're so wise. I'm like do you have any idea how many mistakes I've made? Do you have any idea how many times I've made the wrong decision and then I've had to correct that? I've had to learn from that. I've had to go back and ask for people's forgiveness for making mistakes And I would just. My prayer at the end of my life obviously would be that it would be Ken lived an authentic life. And, as a matter of fact, when people ask me what was what's one of my most proud moments in my life, it's and I've shared this before it was a Sunday afternoon, after I just got through.

Speaker 1:

You know, i was a pastor and spoke to services 930 and a 945 and 1115 service And I get done and one of my daughters would usually drive me home because I was just exhausted. After getting up early. You know being in church at seven, getting out about one o'clock, speaking twice. You know, meet, greet, shaking hands, talking with a team, talking with everybody else, and we got in the car one day and my daughter said this she goes, dad, you know the one thing I love about you. And I said, what's that baby? She said you're the same dad at home as you are on the stage on Sunday And for me, i am super passionate about living an authentic life And I got up that.

Speaker 1:

I got up last year at Create and I said I'm going to pull the curtain back for you And I said you see all the bells and whistles. You see the speakers. You see John Maxwell, you see the Ed Maillet, you see the Brenda Bruchards, you see all the, all the friends that I have the Anthony Trucks and the Carlos Reyes and the Master Jeff and the Gary Breck and the Brent Goves, and you know the Vic Kellers and the and the Brian Covey's. I mean you see all these relationships Amber DeLago's, marie Costco. You see all these unbelievable relationships I have. You see this conference that we pulled off with several hundred people now 200 years or two years in a row. You see all this stuff.

Speaker 1:

I said but can I tell you about? you know, two, three weeks ago, when I'm laying in the bed at 2 30 in the morning and I'm wide awake and I'm almost having a panic attack because I'm looking, i know what's in my bank account and I'm thinking, meg, i don't know if I can pull this off, like, i really don't know that I have what it takes to pull this off. But I tell you what I am going to do. I'm not going to quit and I'm going to put one foot in front of the other. And literally people looked at me that day. They were like, what? Like? because on the outside what people would see or they would think is, oh my gosh, this guy's got it all together. Like even this.

Speaker 1:

Last year we finished our first. This is our third year, third full year at GSD. We finished this year at almost $1.2 million in revenue seven figures in just three years. I don't know about you guys, but that's pretty unheard of in this business. You know seven figures in revenue and then what do we do? in January, we hit almost a half a million dollars revenue in one month. Last week we did a hundred thousand dollars in revenue again. And you know, when you see all of that and you rewind back 16, 18 months and here I am standing on stage at my very first create conference. Going man, you have no idea. Even now, as we get ready for create Dallas, you know, man, my budgets went from 225 to 250 to over a half a million dollars to pull one of these events off.

Speaker 1:

And I'm telling you, there's times, man, where you're like crap. I don't know that I can do this, you know, and I just I always want to be, even in my personal relationships. I remember this past year when I pulled my therapist, lauren Zoller, Shout out to Lauren What's up, girl, who's, who's? a super, super good friend of mine now And I pull her up and she shares about masculine and feminine and the polarity in relationships. And then I come up and pull a bar, stool up and her and I have a conversation about my life And I just get super vulnerable in front of several hundred people And literally I'm sharing my story. There's not a dry eye in the place.

Speaker 1:

The number one thing I heard from the entire weekend was the level of authenticity that came from that stage, not just for me, but from all my relationships, all my friends that were there on that platform. Irwin I was at Irwin's mastermind, i was sharing about it earlier And you know he talked about integrity and being a whole. We got done, we had a break and Irwin was like dude, what do you think? And I said well, number one, dude, you're a savant, You're the greatest storyteller in the history of the world And I don't know anybody that can tell a story is more captivating than you. But number two, i said dude, you've gathered a room full of guys that have the same DNA that you do. They're just a bunch of, even though they're high achievers and they're they're uber successful. They're just amazing human beings trying to figure it out, just like you are. They're not pretentious. Nobody comes in bragging about or talking about what their business is or what they've done, or what kind of plane And there's a lot of guys in that room. They have planes. We had two billionaires sitting on the couch side by side in that group. You know nobody. They don't do that, and that is the level of authenticity that I'm talking about.

Speaker 1:

So again, just to circle back to our question this morning, what in our life are we representing in similar fashion to that BMW M60? Where you hear the sound and you're like that's a really cool sound. I mean, how do they, how do they get that sound out of this? Just like, well, brother, i can. I've got six or eight different sounds I can make it sound like And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's just a facade.

Speaker 1:

Listen when you live a facade online and I'm telling you guys, they're out there, especially in this industry, every one wants to be a coach. Everyone wants to charge X. Had somebody hit me up this morning Are you a high? Do you have high ticket? one on one coaching sales Kid looks like he's 20 and he's got 100 followers on Instagram. What do you think I'm going to? I'm going to hire you to do to help me get. No, you've got other guys running around on Instagram going Hey man, i did seven figures this year. I'm the number one marketing consultant. Bye, bye, bye. And then I get them on the phone to come to create and they're like yo, i'm dude, i want to be there. What are the ticket levels? 10 K, 5 K, 1400 and 400 bucks. Which one of those tickets you think would would would best suit where you're at right now? Which one do you? which one do you want to attend with? Oh, i'll take the $400 one. Okay, can you split that into two payments for me?

Speaker 1:

I mean, we have so many people in this in this era of social media that get on and they just talk about what they're doing or they say you know I'm this or I, and the reality of it is is they've never they haven't done anything, and the problem with that is it? one of the problems is is the impact and the negative impact that it has in the space that I'm in. The bigger problem is is for that individual who gets online and lives a facade online and on social media is they're not whole, they're not integrous, which means what they will live a life of untapped potential until the moment that they're ready to drop the facade and go. Hey guys, this is who I really am And, as I talk about this on this podcast, every single one of you guys know people that are just like that. You know it's funny. People are like man. How do you connect with people and hit it off with them at the level you do, as quick as you do? I'm like, because I am so unapologetically, ken Jocelyn, it's not even funny And I want you to win. I want you to win more than I want myself to win Again.

Speaker 1:

Great leaders want something for people, not from people, and let me say this to you If you think you're a leader who wants something for people not from people but you represent something on social media or from a platform or from a stage that's a facade that you know isn't true or authentic to who you are as a human being, then you really don't care about getting something or helping people get something for them and not from them, like you think you do. What facade are you replacing? What facade are you representing on social media that makes people see or hear something that you're not? Listen, you don't have to get on it and you can be. You can be. Start out I'm speaking specifically mostly the speakers, authors and coaches You can, you can, you can be you. You don't have to come out and say people aren't some? Let me say this the right people aren't going to be necessarily drawn to you because of how you portray a life on Instagram or what you say you've done. Just be authentic and add value to what I did.

Speaker 1:

When I started, what was I going to say? You know, hey, man, i'm, you know, one of the top business consultants. Have I? have I owned a business and started a business and ran a business that was, you know, generating multiple, multiple, seven figures in income. Yes, i've done that in the past in my mortgage company and then in real estate, of course I have. Have I been a millionaire? Yes, before the, before the housing market crash, i had I don't know the 14 rental properties, 15 rental properties worth a few million dollars. Yes, i've done all that. I built all those things. You've got every. You've got all these people that are running around saying I can help you build your business, but you've never built your own business. Like, literally, you're no different than that sound on that BMW M 60. You're representing something that you're not and you're not whole or integrist. And when you're not whole or integrist, you cap you. Literally, it's like you, it's like an oil well with a cap on it.

Speaker 1:

The potential is all underground but it cannot come up. The trigger for your potential to come out of your life is for you to live an authentic life in front of the world And you don't have to share all the details. I mean, i get it, man, i can. I sometimes can probably share a little bit too much, but the reality of it is, when I look at my life and I'm writing, am I living up to the potential Jesus has placed on my life in my planner When I'm, when I'm looking at my life and I'm sharing about my relationships and going to 12 schools in 12 years and six different high schools And my mom telling me to pack a bag every time I got in trouble and making shipping me off to my dad six different times from sixth grade to my senior year of high school. Then how? at 53 years old, i'm sitting in a therapist's office and she goes can? how do you think that's affected your relationship with the women in your life who are supposed to love and protect you? Thank you Like.

Speaker 1:

And then it immediately taking me back to three weeks before, with a woman that I loved dearly, who picked me up at the airport in San Francisco. We had an argument. I made her pull the car over within 10 minutes and I grabbed my bag and got out of the car. Like, i share that story because I had. I had I had unresolved trauma that I wasn't even aware was in my life And people go, ken, why do you share that? Because I want to help people. I want to use my story so people can look and identify and go. Oh my gosh, I can't hold healthy boundaries. Oh my gosh, i react versus responding, which are two, two huge indicators that you've got unresolved trauma. Like it's not perfect, like my life is not perfect. I ended a 27 year marriage three years ago which I've been ridiculously transparent about, and the reason I've been so transparent is transparency.

Speaker 1:

Authenticity helps connect with people And if you have a heart and you want something for them not from them and you connect with them on an authentic and an an integrist level, where it's where your whole listen, this doesn't mean being perfect. Wholeness doesn't mean that you've got it all together. Wholeness means hey audience, hey people that I coach, hey business leaders that I get in front of hey audience that I'm on a stage in front of hey audience that listen to my podcast. Listen, i'm just a human, just like you, and do I have some great information? Can I add some value? Can I help you? You better believe I can't. Can I connect you with some of my friends who are the most amazing people on the planet and help you and teach you how to be a great communicator and how to connect with world changing people? Yes, you better believe I can't, but what I can't help you do is be authentic. I can help you understand what it means to be authentic, but you have to be the one that goes. You know what? In one of my affirmations, guys, i am whole.

Speaker 1:

I choose to use past pain to help others find healing. Like I'm going to use my story, everything that I walk through, i'm going to use to be able to say here's the mistakes that I've made, guys, here's the great decisions that I've made, all to help you circumvent the system, so you don't have to walk through some of the pain, so you don't have to. I had a mentor in mind. I'm going to stop with this because we're running long. I got a little bit on my. I got my preach on me, this little bit this morning. Never forget, i walk behind stage a mentor of mine. This is a conference of about 4,000, 5,000, i guess 4,400 or 4,500 students in Gatlinburg and we're there and I'm not speaking at this conference. It's two of my really really good friends and one of my friends introduces me to Jeanne. She became a dear mentor And I walk up in her journal and in her Bible.

Speaker 1:

She had one of my national youth leadership conference flyers, my mailer. She had that in her in her notebook, in her Bible, and she pulled it out and she looked she goes I've been carrying this around, i've been praying for you And she this is back in the day, before cell phones, right And she pulled a business card out and she wrote her personal office line and she wrote a word on it that said banana. She goes you're going to be one of my bananas. And I looked at her like huh And she goes there's about 10 or 12 of you around the country. If you ever need anything, i'm here for you. You call this number. Sherri Menecher was her assistant. She goes you tell Sherri it's Ken, i'm one of Jeanne's bananas and she will put you right through to me, no matter what I'm doing.

Speaker 1:

She said I've got about a, about a 10 or 12 of you around the country and my role in your life listen to this guys is to help you avoid the landmines and potholes that are coming down the road that you don't know were there. She been in youth ministry and you know a couple of decades longer than I had at that point And she had a one of the top youth ministries in America about 11 or 1200 students in her youth ministry. And she said I'm here to help you avoid the landmines and potholes, but one of my five affirmations I am whole. I choose to use past pain to help others find healing. The number one thing you can do speakers, authors, coaches, people listening to my voice this morning isn't get on and show them your Lambo or your watch, or your home or your boat is to get up and go do that.

Speaker 1:

I made a mistake here, i screwed this up, and here's how I fixed it. Here's how I corrected it. Here's the here's the path I took to get God's forgiveness and the forgiveness of the person or the people that I wronged. Who you want to talk? you want to talk about life changing. That's life changing. So, anyway, guys, i hope this helped you today, as always, if this has added value, i would love for you to two things. Number one subscribe. Hit subscribe, then share. Share this podcast, snap a screenshot, share it on your Instagram, tag it with the link so people can listen to this episode as well. If you're listening for the first time and you're like, oh my gosh, i love this content, this dude's on fire, this dude's like ridiculously passionate which I am And you want to check out more about what we're doing at Grow Stack Drive, go to growstackdrivecom.

Speaker 1:

Forward slash challenge. You can sign up 10 days. That's of our. That's our online community. I believe it's the number one online coaching community in the world. We've got a couple hundred people in our private Facebook group. Several courses, online mindset strategy, leadership development.

Speaker 1:

I do two coaching calls a week. As a matter of fact, i'm about to hop on one in eight minutes. Do two coaching calls a week. Monday morning we do our kickstart your week call, which is 45 minutes of dude, let's go out and conquer the world. And then, wednesday night every month, we theme out what we're doing. This month, the theme happens to be thinking grow rich. So we're going to take the 13. Actually, this next two months June and July We're going to take the 13 principles of thinking grow rich and we're going to talk about those over the next six to seven weeks. And I'm going to bring some friends on. I've got some amazing friends Greg Reed's actually coming on this Wednesday night. Sharon Lecter is coming on at the end of June to be able to share a couple principles as well, so check that out.

Speaker 1:

Growstackdrivecom for its last challenge. Also, guys, if you're listening to this and it's not the end of July yet we're going to be create in Dallas, the number one entrepreneur conference in the Southeast. Good friends like Brennan Bruchard, jordan Peterson, randy Garn, gary Brecca, catherine Gordon, amberley Lago, lineups insane guys, absolutely insane. Growstackdrivecom for its last, create Dallas. Check that out, jump on there and take advantage of it. Listen, invest in yourself, get in the room. The number one thing I hear from leaders and entrepreneurs around the country is the journey is lonely And we've solved that problem for you. We created this conference for you to be able to get in rooms with people who think bigger than you, for people that you can build relationships with. So when you leave that two and a half days, you're armed with the relationships you need to go to the next level. Anyway, love you guys. I'll see you next week.