As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin

Coach Dar | The Extraordinary Journey of Resilience

• Ken Joslin

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Imagine leaving a lucrative six-figure job and moving to a new city in the midst of a recession, without a concrete plan. Our guest for today did just that. Darleen Santori, also known as Coach Dar, an extraordinary friend, hope dealer, and licensed therapist, shares her inspiring journey. A journey of faith, courage, and resilience that led her from treating traumatic brain injuries and stroke patients to establishing her own practice. 

Picture residing in a stunning Ralph Lauren Suite above a beautiful barn for four months. A decision that came out of pure faith and obedience. Darleen shares this astonishing chapter of her life in Tennessee, highlighting the unexpected treasures that trusting in God can bring. But her journey didn’t stop at faith alone. She faced her third stroke, alone, terrified, and in the hospital, but with resilience and strength found within herself and her faith, she bounced back.

Bouncing back. That’s the center of Darleen's story. Her experience of overcoming adversity is beautifully encapsulated in her bestselling book, The Art of Bouncing Back. This episode takes a deep dive into her journey of resilience, faith, and the power of the human spirit. Whether it’s her work as a mental skills coach for the Phoenix Suns, her therapy practice, or her compelling story, Darleen continues to impact lives, reminding us to never give up, and that our level of impact and influence will always be equal to our ability to tolerate pain. This conversation serves as a potent reminder of the power of resilience, and the strength of the human spirit. Join us for this inspiring conversation, you don't want to miss it.

Welcome to the ATLG podcast I am your host Ken Joslin, former pastor turned coach & host of CREATE, the #1 Faith-based Entrepreneur conference in America. My mission is to help faith-based entrepreneurs become the best version of themselves by growing in our Core 5: Faith, Health, Relationships, Business & Finances. You can get more information as well as join our FREE Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/676347099851525

If you enjoyed the podcast, come join our FREE GSD Community of hundreds of entrepreneurs & a ton of FREE Content including CREATE Conference recordings with Ken, John Maxwell, Gary Brecka, Ed Mylett & more. growstackdrive.com/free

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of as the leader grows. Man, have I got a treat for you? She's already laughing. I just literally told her off air I'm like girl, I love you. You are like one of the most life-giving human beings on the planet. My good friend. You guys know her as coach Dar Darleen Santori. Listen, if we can get her to say chocolate or say some words, you will recognize really quick what part of the country she's from. What's up, my friend?

Speaker 2:

Hi, my brother, so good to see you.

Speaker 1:

It's good to see you as well. Tell our audience real quick a little bit about you and about what you've got going on and all the amazing things that man, you're doing in the world right now.

Speaker 2:

You know. So often when I get asked, you know, like, what do you do? The other day my friend goes you know what you do, you're a hope dealer. I was like, ooh, I like that, so I'm a hope dealer. I love that.

Speaker 2:

You know I'm a therapist by background and I started out in the hospital taking care of traumatic brain injured and stroke patients. Neuroscience, neuropsychology that's my whole background. I love the study of the brain and human behavior. So I'm a licensed therapist and I've been helping people for the past 27 years and really helping them build the resiliency be at their highest level. And I helped people in the hospital in the most extreme cases. And then I went back to school for business because I wanted to fix healthcare which is silly, I know, but I was the catalyst. For that was when I was 25. I had shared this with you before, but I had suffered a stroke because I'd gone to see a chiropractor and when they manipulated my neck they ripped the artery to my brain and the long and short of that is it left me with a blood clot. And at 25, I was ready to start my life, everything that you could think you want, the American dream and I was told I could die any day because of this blood clot.

Speaker 2:

And I was like no, no, no no, that's the patients I take care of, that's not me. So I had to deal and wrestle with that. And I definitely didn't really deal with that. I kind of just pushed through it and I was like, well, I'm going back to school for business and I'm going to go change the world. And I tried and I was running multiple companies and at an early age.

Speaker 2:

And then when the recession in 2008, I was like I'm going to go start my own practice because people were losing their mind. I mean, they were losing money, they were losing their homes. We hit the recession and I was like I can't watch this, I have to go help people. My father's like is this the damn stroke speaking Because no one starts a business in the middle of recession, especially when you need health insurance and you have a lucrative salary. And what are you doing? I was like but that for me, Ken, was when it was like a calling. It was for sure.

Speaker 2:

If I could help people with some of their mental faculties messed up, I could surely help someone like you, me and anyone. Well, I don't know if I have all my mental faculties, but I could help most people overcome odds. I know the tools Like I'm trained for this, so I was just so passionate. I was like, no, no, I have the tools, I can help people. And so I started my own practice and I was speaking for free. It didn't matter if it was a library, it didn't matter if it was a country club, a restaurant, wherever I could get people together and I started speaking on mindset. So I want people to understand this is like Elon Musk saying we're going to have a self-driving car. People are like what do you mean if we work on this? Now everyone talks about mental edge and mindset and mental wellness. Not then. And so I was definitely going uphill, for sure, but it didn't matter. I was so passionate and it's led me today.

Speaker 1:

I want to go back to your story real quick because I remember you sharing this story with me. We got connected to our good friend Randy Garn and we were spending some time together and you were kind of processing through the story. So you just packed your car up in your hometown and you just left and you told your dad you were going where.

Speaker 2:

Nashville Tennessee.

Speaker 1:

And he asked you where are you going to stay? And you told him I didn't know.

Speaker 2:

I said I have no idea Now I had friends there but I didn't want to burden them and I was like I'm gonna figure out when I get there and for people listening that are entrepreneurs, I had the six figure salary.

Speaker 2:

I had all of it and I gave it up and I put my stuff in a car and I was like, after I'd been starting this practice in Connecticut, I was like I'm going to Nashville, that's where I'm doing this, and I had no idea where I was gonna live because I just said I'm gonna figure it out as I go. And my father, my family, they really were like she has lost and I can't find my way out of a parking lot directionally, and they were like she's gonna go to Nashville and figure this out. And God let me. I did.

Speaker 1:

And you walk through the story I mean the whole story of how you even found a place to stay and the family that you stayed. It is absolutely unbelievable because you took a risk and followed what God put in your heart.

Speaker 2:

Truly and my faith was really growing prior to that. I mean, I grew up in the Catholic church, but this is where it was. Honestly, you know, when you let it in and that spirit's like oh, bring a ding, ding, we got one, she is on. And so it was literally for me where I, it was like Jesus, drop your nets and follow it. You know, I'm reading this, I'm like, and it just came to me. I was praying, I'm like what would you like me to do? How would you like me to lead better? How do I be? And I had great mentors.

Speaker 2:

So when I packed up my car to go and I didn't know, I knew I was gonna make my way through Kentucky at some point. And, by the way, when I stopped at one point to West Virginia, it was so dark and I just said, god, let it be a safe place for me to stay. And sure enough, I come around the corner, it's pitch black and there is a hotel lit up like a Christmas tree and it looks beautiful. And I'm like I don't know if I could afford this. What is this beautiful place? And sure heck, it was like $99. I was like, really, it was great, affordable, beautiful. I wanted to stay there but I had to go on. So my point was first thing was I was safe and I had a great place.

Speaker 2:

Then I get to Kentucky because I know I'm gonna visit my cousin there and he's a horse trainer and he happens to be working for a family in Nashville, tennessee, and so when I said to him, oh, I don't know where I'm gonna stay, the woman happens to be there that he's working for from Nashville and she says oh, why don't you stay? I have a barn because my horse manager is gonna be down in Florida during that time. So I'll have a place. If you wanna stay a few months, don't worry about it, just get yourself settled. So I was like sure, thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

Now I didn't know who this woman was. All I knew at this point, ken is, I was going to Franklin, tennessee specifically, and I was going to be staying above a barn in an apartment. So I call my family, okay, well, I have a place to stay. And my father says, where I said above a barn, my father is like what? I was like, yeah, I'm going above a barn, and so I didn't know what I was about to pull up to. But I thought, hey, you know what, it's good enough for the horses. Jesus was in a stable. This is hilarious, this is great. I was born on Christmas too, by the way, you know. I just figured go where there's a stable, a manger.

Speaker 1:

And so you get there, walk us through, driving to. You have no idea. Like you hear a barn, you think okay.

Speaker 2:

A barn like literally a little A for a bed.

Speaker 1:

My living room floor is going to be. Hey, what does this look like?

Speaker 2:

I literally was thinking, yeah, and all of a sudden I'm pulling down the street and I start looking and I see a few different music artists standing outside their house. And I'm driving down the street and all these houses are gated and mansions, beautiful. I get to the gate of the address and I'm like I have to put in a gate code and so I put in this gate code and also in the doors open up and it is the most amazing property and this family is a very well-known family in Tennessee and they live on this I don't even know how many acres, with two polo fields and a beautiful Southern home and the barn looks bigger than the house that I grew up in. And I go up above the barn and it's this one bedroom apartment that looks like a Ralph Lauren suite. It is so beautiful and I get to wake up every morning to seven Clydesdale looking horses as they go out on the field and that's where I got to live for four months.

Speaker 2:

That was the start of God going. I have got you. Thank you for saying yes and it just continued like that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what did you in those early moments for you? What did you learn about obedience? Like when God spoke to you and you felt like, okay, this is what I need to do. Walk me through what you learned about being obedient to His voice.

Speaker 2:

I had learned real quick prior that my way was not necessarily the best way. So when I started to really step out and I really started to learn that when you follow in God's obedience it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy or perfect, but he is gonna provide you these treasures and I call it Godwings. That's going to remind you it's okay and I've got you. And it's kind of like there was a meme of a little boy that wanted this teddy bear from someone and he's grabbing it, but it's small, no-transcript, and God is sitting there going, no, I have something better for you. But the kid just wants what's immediately in front of him. He's like, if you just wait, I have something more for you. That's exactly how obedience is looked for me, where sometimes you're like I just want this right now and he's like hold on, because what I'm about to give you is even better. And that's how this has progressed my whole life with him, where every time I trust in the Lord, he continues to provide for me. I mean, it's been.

Speaker 2:

I've had three strokes along the way. I've lost both my parents. You know I've had. I went from having nothing to having to not having, and then COVID hits and it wipes everything out. And then my third stroke is just before that, which took a major hit on me, and my point was is God redeemed it? I got over those and then business came back like triple fold.

Speaker 1:

And so let me ask you a question really quickly because I want to stop right there for a second. We'll pick this up. You talk a lot about resiliency. You just you just named some amazing things that happened in your life. But then you just talked about and we've had private conversations about the three strokes that you had. I mean, you're doing great and things are rocking and rolling and you're making an impact and God's doing all these things, and then you have a third stroke right before COVID. Like, walk me through, like where was like when that happened and you realized I'm sure you knew as it was happening. Walk me through what was going on in your mind when that happened.

Speaker 2:

Just prior to that, I was the Phoenix Sun's mental skills coach. Like I, my, everything was like going on all cylinders. It was top of my game. Everything's going amazing. I'm thanking God because it's a lot of work doing what I do and you know, like any entrepreneur, you're building and building and building and you're like I've got it, I've got it. This is great.

Speaker 2:

And all of a sudden the season ends and I get a migraine on a Monday and by Friday it is the worst pain I'd ever felt. And when I came out of a meeting, I'm staggering. I know what's going on. And when I go to the hospital, I I'm sitting there in the hospital by myself, and my mom had just had a stroke a month before, so I didn't want to stress her out. So I'm sitting there by myself, going, wow, if this goes really bad or if I die, no one's going to know. And then I just thought God, like I actually said like please just take me completely, take me home, but don't let me be paralyzed or drooling or in a place where I can't function, like I don't know how I'm going to do this. And it was the worst stroke out of all of them. I didn't, I wasn't paralyzed, but I for sure could not use my hands the way I used to. I couldn't read. I was in the middle of trying to write a book, I couldn't walk.

Speaker 2:

Well, I lost my speech, I couldn't say the words I wanted to, and I had to do all my own rehab that summer. And I remember that summer specifically can, because after you have strokes you could get depression because it messes with your head. And I just remember getting so sad at one point where I was like I don't, I feel so lonely, I feel so alone. And I'm doing this by myself again and I'm like I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely. God, I need you. Like I can't do this on my own. And he just said get up, get up. And I was like so what did you know? I was supposed to speak at a faith and sports conference. And that's where John, my good buddy, you know, john Gordon, he's there Kelly Masters, there's a few people that we all know and I'm like I'm gonna go speak at this conference in Atlanta, which meant I had to go.

Speaker 2:

My speech was not right, my balance wasn't right, but I was like I'm going and just by getting back into doing what he's called me to do every day, he gave me more strength and I had to be obedient by just getting him serving Cause. Here's what I learned Our life is not about us. If Jesus has been tested in his whole walk, why would we not be tested? And we're gonna continue to be tested. And I thought, dar, this life isn't about you, it's not about any of us. It is about us serving God's mission, and that's gonna look different for every person with different challenges. So it was like I got real, real with myself, given my own pep talk, where I'm sitting there saying, yeah, I said talk.

Speaker 1:

Love it girl.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was giving my own pep talk and I was like this isn't about you and no matter what happens if you're in a wheelchair, if you can't speak, if he still has you here, he still needs you. It's not about you, it's about the mission to serve.

Speaker 1:

So now you take I mean, man, it's just not. It's not just not that you have a degree in psychology and you're a licensed therapist, it's not even about all that. But your life experience has taught you about resilience.

Speaker 2:

Oh gosh.

Speaker 1:

What are some of the things walking through those processes and those seasons in your life, that and some of the things you did to be resilient, to learn resiliency. So now you can take the lesson you learn personally, not something you read in a textbook, or you're taking what you read in a textbook and you're also putting man I've lived this, yeah Like walk us through what resilience, resiliency means to you and how you take that and teach some of the highest performing professional athletes in the world.

Speaker 2:

So what's interesting is being an occupational therapist, my job was to help these patients literally dig in and be resilient. I had to help them be resilient. That was my role. And then I saw my mother, who had a triple bypass at 40 years old and 10 surgeries by the time that till she passed. That woman got up every single day, every day, did not complain instead of God still has me here, then we still have a plan and she just worked through it. And so I taught it, learned it, saw it, and then I had to experience it for myself.

Speaker 2:

But here's what I learned that the power of your mind really determines if it propels you forward or pulls you back, based on what you feel it. And so I could like we've heard, I could be a victim in this or it could be a victor. What am I gonna do with this? So, by the third stroke, by all this happening, I was like I've gotta reframe this. And so everything is reframing, everything is shifting perspective, everything is saying, okay, now what? Deal with the emotion of it. But then say to yourself now what? Because we have to do something. To just sit and despair is not gonna help us and we have to get into momentum.

Speaker 2:

So part of resilience is, once you embrace the suck of it, once you experience it, you get it all out and you deal with it. Now, guess what? It's game time. We could do something with that. But the moment you don't wanna deal with it and the moment you don't recognize it as what it is, we can't do anything with it. So I tell all the players, ceos, entrepreneurs I work with, when we hit something, I go great, give it all to me, get it out, let's talk about it. We're gonna embrace the suck of it. Yes, it's not how we want it. Get it out, but now what? Now, what are we going to do? Because it's not about us, it's about the mission we were called. Let's go.

Speaker 1:

I love that. So, out of all of that, you're circling around and you wrote a bestselling book called the Art of Bouncing Back. Walk us through the kind of the origin story of a book, like where was it, when were you? And you were like I need to write a book.

Speaker 2:

This is so funny. So when I it started way back first and second grade, I was pulled out of school because I could not process fast enough reading. So I had to be taken out of class into a special class with the tutor, this teacher who literally shaped my life. She turned it around and she helped me read and love books. So I became this bookworm, where, then, my mom planted seeds this is a power of planting seeds and she says to me someday, dar, you're gonna write a book. And we love this little bookstore in a town close by that. She worked and it's so cute. And she said someday your book's gonna be there and I'm gonna be the first to buy it. Well, that obviously was planted so that 2012 comes around.

Speaker 2:

And I said, mom, I decided I'm gonna start writing. I don't know what yet, but I'm learning, I'm taking workshops. She's like great, I'm gonna be the first to buy her book. So I'm doing that. And as time goes on, it gets busy. 2018 comes and I said, okay, I'm gonna write about a week in greatness, clear as day to me. I work with the greats, I study the patterns of the greats. I'm gonna write about this. Well, try to go right about this. I get it all put out. I hire like an independent publisher because I'm thinking no one knows me as an author yet.

Speaker 2:

So I'm just gonna get a hybrid independent publisher and put it out. Well then, I'm my third stroke after that and it goes sideways. And now the deal falls apart and I can't even read, ken, I can't even look at a piece of paper and I am down. And so that's when going to 2019, my mom passes and I'm like this is forget this. 2020 happens, 2019 into 2020. 2020 is happening. We know what happens there.

Speaker 2:

But just before that, my sports agent calls me and she says to me why are you putting God in the corner? She said what are you talking about? She says why are you putting God in the corner? You are supposed to write a book and it is going to be published. And I said, ken, I literally can't get this done. It's so hard for me mentally after this stroke and I don't even have a litter agent Like, and how am I gonna get published? She says you're putting God in a box and you put him in a corner and it is time for you to get out of that corner so God can use you. And I was like, well then, god's gotta show me a sign, because I don't know what I'm doing. Wouldn't you know, ken?

Speaker 2:

Not even two weeks later, I get a call from a literary agent and she's like I was just at the NBA All-Star game and I heard your name and then I was at another event. She goes who's this coached arcs. I was looking for who the females are. That does this. She says I wanna give you a chance on writing your first book. I don't normally take a chance on first time authors. So we sat down, I got with someone and we wrote out what would become the Art of Bouncing Back and it's a formula I have used. I didn't realize I had a formula. That's the thing. I just know what I do to help people. And then when I sat down, I was like, oh, this is it.

Speaker 1:

I will actually have a frame, some framework, for this. I was in a meeting, I was in a dinner with a bunch of pastors, church planners about 12 or 15 of us back around 2008-ish, and we were with Craig Grissel, who pastors life church. It's the largest church in America. We're with Craig and we're having dinner. And I never forget he said this and I would love for you to speak to this he said he said guys, everyone wants to have a lot of influence, everyone wants to make impact. And here you are, you've got all these young guys. I think I'd been. My church was less than a year old. We had maybe a couple of guys that had churches that were two years old, but we had all started churches from scratch. And he said guys, he goes, never forget. Your level of impact and influence will always be equal to your ability to tolerate pain. And I know right and I've never forgotten it, that's been 15 years ago. Who's bumps.

Speaker 1:

Your level of influence and impact will always equal your ability to tolerate pain. Wow, and you walk through, darling. You walk through all of these strokes and all of the stuff and packing up your car. And so, as you walked through those things, what was it that gave you the strength to keep? Nope, not gonna quit, nope, not gonna quit, nope, not gonna quit. And you just kept going and going.

Speaker 2:

I think a couple of things. Once is when I really gave myself to the Lord. I gave myself to the Lord Like it started to bring tears to my eyes because I don't wanna do life without Him. Lord, no, it's hard enough With it, it's harder without Him. And I committed. And when I say yes, I'm committed, like I am committed. So I said whatever we have to do, like however long are we gonna see this through? And then I also feel committed to my parents, like I. We had nothing. You know, it was so hard growing up that I just wanna make for. They worked hard so we could have a better life and it's yeah, it's just I wanna make them proud of the work they did, so it doesn't fall on deaf ears, and I just wanna be able to make a change for my family and make an impact.

Speaker 1:

So the book? Talk to me about the book. The book's out. Where can we find the book?

Speaker 2:

We could find. You could find the book at Amazon. You can go to coachdarcom Barnes Noble, the Art of Bouncing Back, and if you go to coachdarcom, it's got all of my social links. Please do connect with me, buy the book. All of it's right there.

Speaker 1:

Tell me what's one thing on your heart right now. Again, you work with a lot of, I mean, the highest performing professional athletes in the world. What's on your heart right now you haven't really shared with anybody?

Speaker 2:

I think I want people to know that there's a lot of people hurting, and from even the top athletes that you would never know. Ceos, people are everyone. Everyone is hurting in some way, and so this world gets lonely and it gets hard and we're going to need each other. So this is about us working together and loving each other better, and that starts by us all making sure we're taking care of ourselves and we're doing the work that we need to For everyone listening, do the work, do the work on yourself so you could be the best version, because the only way we're gonna get better or even wanna be around other people is if you do the work.

Speaker 2:

No one. It's hard when you're around someone who doesn't wanna do the work. You've gotta do the work. So everyone, dig in. Do the work to be the best version of yourself. Stay humble, admit when you've tripped up we're all human but get back in the race every day. Love on people and just know everyone is going through challenges and the only way we're gonna make it better is by helping ourselves, by having faith and leaning on each other and showing up better in this world.

Speaker 1:

I love that. The Coachdar. Ladies and gentlemen, check her out on Instagram, thecoachdar. That's D-A-R. Just in case you guys didn't know the art of bouncing back, you can go to thecoachdar. Is it thecoachdarcom or justcoachdar?

Speaker 2:

Instagram is thecoachdar and then the website's justcoachdarcom.

Speaker 1:

Yep coachdarcom. Check her out. Guys, get a copy of her book. She has an unbelievable, unbelievable story. She's making an impact at such a high level. Last thoughts, dar.

Speaker 2:

Just grateful, very grateful. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, gratitude's a huge part of being able to make it through difficult moments. Yes, yes, yeah gratitude and great friendships.

Speaker 2:

Yes, both today.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and God good, he's so good. Well, listen, thanks for joining us, guys. Thanks for joining us on another episode of as the Leader Grows. Listen, a couple of things. If this episode is at its value, I'm gonna ask you to do one thing. I'm gonna ask you to hit that subscribe button. Then I'm gonna ask you to go over and leave us a five star review. If you're listening to this on your phone, snap a screenshot, tag myself, tag coachdar. We'll give you a little love in front of our audience as well, and until next time, we'll see you on as the Leader Grows.