As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin
As The Leader Grows with Ken Joslin
Coaching with Ken | The Highest Form of Self-Love
When Erwin McManus and I sat down, we unearthed some truths about leadership that go beyond the boardroom. Our heartfelt conversation taps into the power of mastering emotions, showing how loving in the face of the unlovable isn't just noble—it's necessary for personal growth. This episode is a deep dive into 'the code', my own life's framework, inspired by David Deida's work, focusing on thought life, language, energy, finances, and sexual desires. It's not just talk; it's about harnessing the creative power that aligns with entrepreneurial spirit and faith, the kind that's echoed in scripture and fuels vision.
Have you ever wondered what sets apart a disciplined individual from the rest? I'll walk you through my transformation from average to exceptional athlete, not through inherent talent, but through the rigorous application of daily discipline. This episode isn't merely about sharing my journey—it's a roadmap for structuring your life, from establishing morning routines to overcoming losses and betrayals. As I relate my experiences, it becomes clear: the resilience we build through discipline is the same quality that ignites the entrepreneurial fire, allowing us to navigate life's challenging waters with conviction.
This isn't just another motivational talk. It's a candid look into the synergy of stillness, discipline, and faith, particularly through the unique lens of faith-based entrepreneurship. I share moments of my life where discipline meant self-love, even when the odds were stacked against me. The 46:10 challenge anecdotes are here to prove that maintaining discipline in the face of praise as well as adversity is crucial in staying true to our goals and faith. Join us as we explore these principles, fostering resilience, and inspiring one another to achieve our fullest potential, and carry this sense of purpose into our next gathering as leaders.
Welcome to the ATLG podcast I am your host Ken Joslin, former pastor turned coach & host of CREATE, the #1 Faith-based Entrepreneur conference in America. My mission is to help faith-based entrepreneurs become the best version of themselves by growing in our Core 5: Faith, Health, Relationships, Business & Finances. You can get more information as well as join our FREE Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/676347099851525
If you enjoyed the podcast, come join our FREE GSD Community of hundreds of entrepreneurs & a ton of FREE Content including CREATE Conference recordings with Ken, John Maxwell, Gary Brecka, Ed Mylett & more. growstackdrive.com/free
Hey, what's up guys. Welcome to another episode of as the Leader Grows. I am your host, ken Jocelyn, and I cannot wait today to talk to you about a few leadership principles I think could be an absolute game changer for you. I was watching a video this week of my good friend, erwin McManus, and he was talking about emotions and he was talking about the deepest levels of emotions and he basically posed the question that all of the emotions that are easy anger, frustration, like extreme happiness, or excitement, like all of those things are the easiest emotions, and what he said was he goes. The hardest emotions are the ones that are difficult to do, like loving someone when they do things to you or do things to themselves or people that you care about that make them unlovable. I want to kind of dig a little deeper into that because I'm going through the Way of the Superior man by David Data for the fourth time in the last few months, literally in the last three days.
Speaker 1:I've just about finished the entire book again and one of the things that he talks about in there and out of that, if you listen to my podcast, back at the beginning of the year, end of December, I talked about the code, this code that I created between literally from Christmas Eve until almost the first of the year. I was alone by myself for about five or six days and I just had a lot of time to be able to dream and to process and go. Okay, god, you've called me to do all of these things. Like I'm writing vision down, I'm literally locked in and focused on what God has asked me to do over the next year. And then I asked myself this question okay, god, if I'm going to do all of these things, who do I need to become in order for these things to come to fruition? And so out of that I developed what I called the code.
Speaker 1:I am aware, and there's about five or six things that I'm aware of. I am aware of my thought life, I'm aware of my language, I'm aware of my energy, I'm aware of my finances and I am aware of my sexual desires. So if you've read David Data, the Way of the Superior man, you understand when I say that about sexual desires and money and energy, language and thought life, because it literally is. And as a person of faith and as a Christ follower, you understand that God has put in you the same creative power and there's scripture that says the same power that raised Christ from the dead we just celebrated Easter is the same power that lives on the inside of you. And as God spoke and created, we have that same creative power on the inside of us. And, as entrepreneurs, that literally is what we do. We see.
Speaker 1:Vision is our ability to be able to see things that do not exist as though they do. It's like you see what your business looks like, you see what the culture on your team looks like. You see the passion, the thing that you're passionate about. This morning in the gym, I get a DM on Instagram from one of the people in our community that said I get a DM on Instagram from one of the people in our community that said listen, you have no idea how much your words on our community coaching call yesterday, how much that meant to me, like you, have made such an impact in my life. I saw that three, four years ago, way before we ever started our GSD community or our mastermind or our create conference that we just finished in Atlanta a couple, two or three weeks ago.
Speaker 1:So the code and all of that. All of that, those five areas in the code, I'm aware of my thought life, I'm aware of my language, I'm aware of my energy, I'm aware of my finances and my sexual desires. All of those things point back to and again what Erwin talked about when it comes to the deepest, highest form of emotion. I believe are all dictated, they're all processed through. I would say I'm trying to find the right word maybe the gatekeeper to all of those things in our life, therefore, the gatekeeper to us being able to live up to and through the potential that God's put in our life and on our life, or for us to become the best version of ourselves, I really believe, and I believe this gatekeeper is the highest form of self-love and it's discipline. It is discipline. Some of you guys are like are you kidding me, ken? I listened to that whole two or three minute diatribe and I got discipline. Like that's what you're going to leave me with. You better freaking. Believe I am, because it works. I'm telling you guys every it's funny everywhere I go around the country, whether it be at my own create conference I'm speaking in San Antonio at the end of the month. Whether it be in front of two or 300 dentists in Atlanta, whether it be an undercover billionaire boot camp a to B. Wherever I speak at around the country, I always talk about incremental, not monumental, small, daily, disciplined decisions over time, always equal monumental results. Success cannot escape you when you do the right things every freaking single day.
Speaker 1:I just shared this story December, the 9th of 2019. There were 12 of us. It was Grant Cardone's first ever mentorship program that he had and there were like 1,200, 11, 12, 13, 1,400 people in this mentorship program that Grant did for like 12 weeks and we've got all these people in this mentorship program. And there were 12 of us who got invited to come down to 10X headquarters and sit with Grant and the team. I was, as Sherry, who used to run the mentorship program for Grant, told me Grant asked for you by name. He's the only person he gave me the list. Your name was at the top of the list. He said fill in the other 11 people. And so we go down 11 other people. There's 12 of us total.
Speaker 1:Several of those people are friends of mine still today and we go down and I was asked to share my story and what I was doing in front of the entire team all 180, 90 people on the team at 10X headquarters that day and if you've never been in one of their sales meetings, you need to go or you need to watch it, because it's absolutely phenomenal. The energy in that room is insane and I get to share my story. And I get to share my story. And then, when it was just a senior leadership team Grant, jared, sherry Hamilton, richie Dolan, who ran the licensee program for Grant back then, alan, who still works for Grant, heads up all of his marketing and stuff I get to share my story again in front of those guys and we sat there all day long together, had lunch together, just had an amazing, amazing time together.
Speaker 1:But if I, but not if but when I look at all 12 of those people the other 11 people that were in the room every now and then I'll see them on social media. Every three, four, five months, one of them will pop up and go I'm doing a new webinar, I'm writing a book, I've got this e-course coming out, I've got this thing going on, and then they go silent and I don't hear from them for three, four, five, six months and people are like Ken, how have you built what you've built in four years? It's because the highest form of self-love is discipline. Okay, and listen, can I say this? Discipline fills in the gap for the less talented. My good Discipline fills in the gap for the less talented. Listen, I'm telling you I don't. We're not playing professional sports Like I don't care if you're athletically superior to somebody else when you step on the basketball court.
Speaker 1:My entire life I was an above average athlete, not super great, not bad, not average. I was above average and the only reason I was above average is because I busted my tail and put work in when other people wouldn't put the work in. I literally I'm 55 now. I played basketball all the way up until just about the past four or five years. A lot my men's league team in Atlanta super good team. My good friend Mark, who played at Duke, good friend Lucas who played at Auburn, david Pollitt from College Game Day, peerless Price who played in the NFL, john Smoltz who played in the major leagues. I mean just a ton of great competitive athletes. We killed people. I mean literally we were good.
Speaker 1:The only reason I was able to ever step on the floor and play with some of those guys goes all the way back to my high school days when I literally would go out in the driveway with a basketball court and a goal nailed to the side of the house and literally tie a rope around my right arm and tie it to my waist and I would play for an hour left-handed, just literally dribble left-handed, shoot left-handed layups, left-handed, like work, work, work, work, work on my left hand to the point to where I could just about shoot free throws as good with my left as I could with my right, and it was the only thing, because I wasn't the quickest, I wasn't the most athletic, but I worked my tail off so that I could compete. And we talk about this, we talk about self-love a lot Like it's the, it's the buzzword in the entrepreneurial world, world right now. What are you doing? What do you? Self-care, self-love Listen, the highest form I believe this, the highest form of self-care and self-love for you as a faith-based entrepreneur, is discipline. Like, what do you do when the alarm clock goes off at 4 am? Do you hit the snooze button or do you get your tail out of the bed and go? Nope, I've got a purpose and a plan today, do you? For those of you guys that are in my GSD community, are you up in the morning doing goals, gratitude affirmations, top three. Before you go to bed the night before, are you planning out your day? Do you know where your time's going the next day? Or do you just randomly, haplessly, just get out of bed and go huh, what am I going to do today? What time do I have to be in my office? What's the vision today? What meetings? No, before you go to bed, it is a discipline Know what your day is going to look like tomorrow.
Speaker 1:I challenge every single person who's listening to this podcast to do two things. Number one send this to somebody that you know needs to hear this word today. Number two, ask yourself this question In the times in your life when you've been the most fulfilled and the most fruitful, were they not during or right after a season where you were the most disciplined? Were they not right after the season where you were, you were or you just were the most disciplined? Every time I show my before and after picture of 80 plus pounds lost I don't care if it's on a webinar, if it's at my create conference. Every time someone sees that picture on Instagram. Now I get dude, there's no way, that's you. I'm like. I promise you, it's me. I promise you that dude right there that weighed 300 and almost 10 pounds. That was me, everybody's like dude.
Speaker 1:How did you do that? Incremental, not monumental, small, daily discipline, decisions over time, always, always, always, always. Equal, monumental results. Success cannot escape you when you do the right things every single day, but it takes an everyday effort. It takes an everyday effort. You can't take days off, guys, because if you take a half a day off, that turns into a day off, that turns into two, three, four days off, that turns into a day off, that turns into two, three, four days off, that turns into a week off. And before you know it, man, your competition is so far out in front of you that when you lift up your head and you look at where you're going and where the bullseye is in your specific industry, you feel defeated and deflated and there is no encouragement on the inside of you. Shoot, you can tell. I haven't recorded a podcast in a couple of weeks because I am fired up this morning. What do you do when the wind gets knocked out of you? What do you do when you've had a big wind and all wind W-I-N and then all of the sudden, life sneaks up behind you and sucker punches you right in the gut, and every bit of breath, every bit of momentum, every bit of all the excitement and joy and encouragement that you had is now gone. What do you revert to? What do you lean into?
Speaker 1:Guys, I have had in the past year some of the most difficult moments in my life Found out one of my best friends was a Ponzi schemer. Literally. Two different people approached me on the same day with internet filings, with court filings, to go. This dude who you thought was your friend is a Ponzi schemer. But you talk about punching the gut. I can't even begin to explain to you what that felt like, literally. I've been in the man's house almost a dozen time. His five-year-old daughter climbs up in my lap and calls me uncle Ken, only to find out that he schemed people out of millions of dollars, found my girlfriend of a year and a half in bed with another man.
Speaker 1:Okay, lost over six figures on an event Like I'm talking about. Big things Like these aren't just little bitty things. You just go oh, okay, it'll be okay. What are you going to do? Because here's the deal If it hasn't hit you yet, it's going to Do.
Speaker 1:You know what I reverted to every single time. One of those things happened to me outside of therapy, because my therapists are the best Just being able to talk through and have a conversation of what that looks like. Every single time, I leaned into the highest form of self-love, which is what Discipline Every single time. Grab my planner. I look I'm literally looking at my planner right now. Incremental, not monumental, is watermarked in my daily planner, on the daily, on your schedule, on the left-hand side on your day timer. Small, daily, disciplined decisions over time always equal monumental results. Success cannot escape you. When you do the right things every single day, you're like man Ken. You mean I hopped on this podcast today and I'm just going to get disciplined, like that's what I'm going to get, like you don't have anything better for me, like there's no, there's no secret sauce that you're going to bring me today. That's going to be better than just freaking being disciplined.
Speaker 1:I was on the road for about 19 days in a row. I literally just got back in my house, in my house, in my home my podcast studio, my Airbnb, my house when I'm on the road and I came home from Birmingham, came back home to Birmingham, had two days I had to spend in a hotel because my house was Airbnb and it was Easter weekend. And Nate, my best friend over in Atlanta, who worked for John Maxwell for a long time, he told me the other day he goes dude, you are the, you, it, it. It pains you, I can see it in you when you don't get or you don't have a space where you can do your morning routine and your daily routine, and he's a thousand percent. He's a thousand percent on the money. So you know what I did Sunday night.
Speaker 1:Sunday night I made dinner early. I was, I got, I got back in my or, I'm sorry Monday night, made dinner early. I didn't get into my house till Monday. Monday morning, made dinner early. I didn't get into my house until Monday morning. Monday night I made dinner early, which was actually yesterday Made dinner early. I was in the shower dinner, man, I cooked on the Traeger, I made some rice, some green beans, did some chicken it was phenomenal had me a little margarita. I just sat and watched a little bit of the Iowa game and watched, oh, caitlin Clark just drill threes from 35 feet. The chick is insane. And I watched that and was on the phone with a couple of friends and man.
Speaker 1:I got in the bed about 8.15 last night, about 8.45, I was out because I had already set my 4 am alarm before I even did dinner. Hey, siri set an alarm for 4 am. I turned on your 4 am alarm. There you go. 4 am alarm, I beat it. I beat it. This morning. I woke up at like 3.44, 3.45 this morning, boom, wide awake, ready to roll. Somebody asked me yesterday. They said do you get out of bed with that kind of energy? I said you better freaking believe I do. Why? Because I have three or four years of incremental not monumental three or four years of literally diving into what I believe is the highest form of self-love, which is discipline. Because if I can love myself enough to look at my before picture and my after picture and understand what it took for me to get from that to this, and I'm still not done Like I'm not satisfied at 4 am, before 4 am, I'm up this morning Worship song on my Instagram page.
Speaker 1:I went in day 13 of our 21 day challenge inside of my GSD community called 4610. That's Psalms 4610. Be still and know that I am God and it create. This year I said how many of you guys, as entrepreneurs love to be still, and they looked at me like a cow at a new gate, like Ken. You've lost your mind. Now, how many of you guys this is a faith-based entrepreneur conference? How many of you guys you look at God sometimes because I do and I pastored for 12 conference? How many of you guys you look at God sometimes because I do and I pastored for 12 years? How many of you guys look at God and go be still? Are you kidding me, God? Do you realize how much I've got to do? God? Do you realize the vision and the weight that you put on my life, the influence and the impact that you've called me to have? God, how in the world am I supposed to be still? So we're in day 13 of this 4610 challenge Be still, hear God, write the vision down and then take action. What's God telling you to do?
Speaker 1:That quiet time posted on my Instagram page. Took my reel, got that Instagram reel posted, walked downstairs, grabbed my pre-workout, got dressed my clothes are folded, laying in my chair next to my bed in my little seating area ready for me to get up. Walked straight into my landing area upstairs, turned on my Peloton, turned on my Bluetooth speaker walked into my podcast studio, turned all the lights on Peloton turned on my Bluetooth speaker. Walked into my podcast studio, turned all the lights on, went downstairs, got my pre-workout, came back upstairs, hopped on a 30-minute Peloton ride. I was at the gym this morning before six doing chest and tris Phenomenal workout today.
Speaker 1:And then I popped it in Instagram and I'm like I'm thinking to myself, like most people, haven't even gotten out of bed yet and you say you have dreams and you say, man, I'm going to practice the highest form of self-love, the highest form of self-love that you have is to have such a vision and such a passion and such a desire to do what God's put on the inside of your heart. That discipline to you is easy. Ken, did you just say discipline is easy? Yeah, and when you get punched in the mouth and I promise you, life has a way of just knocking the fire out of you from time to time and when it does, what do you do? What do you lean into? What is your go-to, what is your automatic response? What is your default? You know what my default is. My default is incremental, not monumental.
Speaker 1:Okay, this sucked today. This absolutely sucked when I moved 2,600 miles across the country only to find the woman that I loved in bed with another man. You know what I did. I have a scoreboard on the bottom of my planner, one through 10 every day. That was like one of the first, if ever, I've done, like today sucked. It was like a one or a two. I've had about five or six tens in the last four years. One was right after Create Conference. You know what I did? I circled that bad boy. I think I did a one and a half because it ain't going to be a one, because what happened was, oh you know what. You saved me from some heartache down the road that would have been deeper and more intense than I just got to experience today, because what God did was show me this is not the individual that you need.
Speaker 1:You know what I did the next day? I got in my car. I drove to Vegas for eight hours. I spent some time with Brent Gove, spent some time just processing through what goes. The next morning I got up. You know what I did. I got up at 4 am. I went to the gym. I came back, I sat down on my planner and I wrote down goals, gratitude affirmations and top three. I did my quiet time. I posted my worship song on my Instagram story, like I do every freaking single day. Did it suck? You better freaking believe it sucked.
Speaker 1:But the highest form of self-love is discipline. Can you be disciplined? Can you be disciplined when the world knocks the wind out of you and let me give you this right here, this is a bonus for today Can you be disciplined when you win? Because I'm telling you, man, there is no aphrodisiac, there is no high. There are very few things that will get you steered in the wrong direction and cause you to lose sight of what it took you to get to that moment, other than when you win. Man, when the crowd goes, when they're posting your name online, when people are like, oh my gosh, this dude, wow, what an impact you made in my life. That's why, as a person of faith, man, I'm like Jesus. Thank you for doing this, thank you.
Speaker 1:Genesis 126 and 127 says God created us in his image, and that word image, literally the Hebrew translation is we are a reflection, we're a mirror of who God is, his character and his nature, and it's the same thing when you win is his character and his nature, and it's the same thing when you win, and the reason we see people fall, especially pastors, younger guys who grow these amazing churches, and then you find out two years later they've had an affair with their assistant or their secretary and their whole ministry is lost and hundreds and thousands of people are struggling in their faith and they don't believe in Jesus or church anymore because they looked up to a man and he fell. The reason we fall is because that when we win and people tell us how amazing we are, we as human beings have the habit of believing them. What are you going to do when the wind gets knocked out of you? And what are you going to do when the wind gets knocked out of you? And what are you going to do when you win? I'm telling you reflect it or deflect it, I guess, is the right word to use.
Speaker 1:God, thank you for using me. When somebody says something to you, like three weeks ago, two and a half weeks ago at Create life transformative weekend for a couple hundred people, I mean just absolutely a transformative weekend. How do you think I felt when we got through on Saturday? Man, god, you're so good. How many dozens and dozens of calls and text messages and DMs that I get. Ken, thank you for doing what you do. May God use you. But you know what God's good. He's so good Because it really doesn't have anything to do with me. All I do is show up and I just walk in the highest form of self-love and discipline and then I deflect that honor and that praise to Him, because it's not about me, it's about Him. Small daily discipline, decisions over time, always equal monumental results.
Speaker 1:Two things Number one who needs to hear this podcast? Please share it for me. Just send a link to a friend or two friends or your group text. Whoever your circle or your community or your corner is, send it. You got to listen to this.
Speaker 1:Second thing is what are you going to do when life knocks the wind out of you and what are you going to do when you win, if your default isn't discipline, if your default isn't? I live by code. I am aware of my thought, life, my language, my energy, my money and my sexual desires. Every single one of you who are faith based entrepreneurs. God's put in you the creative ability to see things that do not exist and then create them for impact and influence and to help other people around you become the best version of themselves. Guys, thank you for joining me today. This is about eight minutes longer than normal, but, man, it's been too long since I've been on here. But, guys, listen, if you would share this podcast. I love you, guys. Can't wait to see you next week on as a Leader. Grows.