Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs | The Love And Respect Framework

Most couples don’t get stuck because they “don’t care.” They get stuck because the same moment feels like rejection to one person and disrespect to the other, and then both react. I sit down with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, to unpack the Love and Respect message from Ephesians 5:33 and why it keeps changing marriages after 25 years of real-world results.

We break down the three patterns couples cycle through: the Crazy Cycle that escalates conflict, the Energizing Cycle that rebuilds goodwill, and the Rewarded Cycle where we choose love and respect as an act of obedience to Christ, not as a trade for the other person’s behavior. We also talk about what research reveals about how quickly difficult conversations can trigger fear, why tone and contempt shut people down, and how to speak truth in a way your spouse can actually hear.

If you’re a faith-based entrepreneur or high performer, this one hits home: long hours can feel like provision to you while your spouse experiences them as absence. We get practical about balance, calendars, and a leadership mindset that protects your marriage, not just your metrics. You’ll also hear what fulfillment looks like later in life, plus a quick update on their children’s book project and where to find resources.

If this helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review so more couples can find it. What part of the love and respect cycle do you recognize most in your own relationship?

Transcript

Welcome And Why Love Respect

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Boom. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Proximity with Ken Jocelyn. I am your host, and I am sitting here with two amazing human beings, Dr. Emerson Egrich and his wife, Sarah. We just finished an incredible weekend, not finished, but wrapping up an incredible weekend here in Atlanta. And uh number one, thank you guys for being here. Take just a second, um, Dr. Emerson, and tell the audience a little bit about you, uh, love and respect, kind of what you guys are doing and where you're at with your journey right now.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Great question, Sarah and I've been married 53 years. We've been doing the Love and Respect marriage conferences for a long time, and uh wrote the book called Love and Respect based on Ephesians 533. And she presents at our two-day conference, and uh, we've been so honored to be with you all here as been a delight.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Ephesians 533, you talked about that a lot this weekend. We've got a lot of our people that have been through Love and Respect small groups. When, at what point did Ephesians 533 like come alive to you? What was the aha moment for you and for you guys as a couple?

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Well, it's dark, can you remember 1999, 1998, right about then? I said, I think I just saw something in the text. Do you remember? And I brought you in and I said, I think I just saw something here, and I described to you the three cycles, right? And then the first cycle, but sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

And it was the third cycle, which we call the rewarded cycle, which is that we do this as unto the Lord. I stood, I know right where we were in our house, and I said, I can do this. Because this is

The Ephesians 5:33 Breakthrough

SPEAKER_00 1:30

not about this other person. This is about who we're going to be, and this is about who I am, and that this relates to anybody that when people say this, I can't do this, or this is it's like the Lord will honor everything that we do. And so I it's just like, you know, we haven't changed the message over 25 years because God didn't change the message, and so I just knew. I mean, there was just I knew that this was what God wanted us to do.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

So I can't say idea that we do what we do under Christ, that Christ is standing beyond the shoulder of my spouse, and I love Christ beyond the shoulder of my spouse, even if my spouse is not necessarily lovable, reverencing Christ. And that we didn't know how it plain pure is, so to speak, but people really get it. It's kind of like, wow, I never even thought about it, I never connected my marriage with Christ. But the reward cycle says we do it under Christ, and this will be something that leads eventually to him saying, Well done, good and faithful servant.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

So when you guys, when you when you grabbed a hold of this scripture and he came to you and said, Hey, I think I've got something, where were you guys at in your personal marriage?

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Just kidding, that's just a bad joke.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

No, I mean uh we were how well how uh our daughter was uh junior in high school, I think, and the boys who were in college or out of college. But uh, and we had been married for what year was that? That was in 2000. So yeah, 1999. Yeah, and we got married in 1973.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

So 25 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yeah, 25 years. So, in the but in the point of your marriage, uh first before you answer this question, explain for our audience listening on a podcast the cycles, a little bit of what those are, and then where were you guys at? Were y'all in the reward cycle, or where were you at inside of your marriage at that time?

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Well, as I say, we all lived on all three cycles, but the crazy cycle says without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love, and it starts spinning. And though she needs respect and he needs love,

Crazy Cycle Energizing Cycle Rewarded

SPEAKER_03 3:35

usually it plays that uh that way. Paul certainly is gender specific there. And I say if the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn't, don't worry about it. But usually if you had a conflict and you sense the spirit of your spouse deflating, this is probably the issue. And the question is, how do you deal with the crazy cycle? Because it tends to keep happening. And then you get off the crazy cycle by getting on what we call the energizing cycle. His love motivates her respect, her respect motivates his love. I believe that when you meet a person's deepest need, you motivate them, you energize them, you influence them. And there tends to be a reciprocity to that way, given there's goodwill in the relationship. It just works. God has said if you kind of apply this, it's I'm not a cosmic kill, you have to ruin your party. This is something that I reveal, and when you do this, it works. And certainly at the University of Washington studied 2,000 couples for 20 years, and they said love and respect are the two key ingredients for successful marriages. And so the Lord said that 2,000 years ago. But then people say, Well, I'm trying to get off the crazy cycle, I'm trying to live on the energizing cycle, but my my spouse is not responding to me, and that's when the rewarded cycle, his love unto Jesus Christ, regardless of her respect, her respect unto Jesus Christ, regardless of his love, and that we bring to the relationship of a faith component. Now we're not talking about staying in harm's way, we're not talking about violence, we're talking about two goodwilled people who don't like each other. But at the end of the day, what would motivate me to get off the crazy cycle? What would motivate me to try to energize my spouse if there's no uh reciprocity here? Well, ultimately, I do it because I love Christ, I want to reverence Christ, and that every time I put on love towards Sarah, even if she doesn't respond, nothing's wasted. Everything counts, everything matters. And as I've said, that really did take hold, and that's what she was referencing. We can teach this because everybody can apply that immediately. And now, after 25 years, so many people have said this was a game changer for us. I gave up hope in my relationship. I wasn't going to divorce, but this has created a whole new way of approaching my marriage, and it's energized me a way I never thought was even possible.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

And so when you guys did that and you discovered that he came to you, I guess you guys could really probably look at your relationship because that was 25 years ago. You've been waiting now 50 years. So for the 53. 53 years, so 28 years is where we were at this at this time. So 28 years into your marriage, you could probably look at your marriage and you could see the cycles and in and out of the cycle.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

That's what I was gonna say. When he came up with the crazy cycle, I thought this puts words, this put a let's put a definition to what all of us experience. Like I say, this is a simple message. It takes some work, but it works. And then also, it's a command to love and respect. That's a command from Ephesians 5.33. And I remember the day when I thought to myself, why would God give me a command that he didn't think would work? He doesn't do that. I mean, we give instructions to our children because we believe this is the best for them. And when they obey it, it does our heart so good. And I hit me one day, when we obey God's commands, think what that does to the heart of God. And he really did keep it simple. He used to tell me you used to say that marriage is not complex. If it had been, you put a lot of things in the back of the Bible. That's maps.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

After Mass. Yeah, you go after the math. That was pretty much for somebody that didn't want to share on the state, she's doing a pretty good job, Dr. Hickers. She's outstanding, yeah. So in this in this journey for you guys, one of the things going back to your book, and you said this here this weekend, it blew me away the first time I heard you say this was women are three to four conversations away from feeling like you're gonna say you're going to leave them. Shawnee Felzone's research found that out, yeah. And walk me through because I was like, because I think as a man, and we've got an audience with us today, I mean, how many men, when you heard that the first time you were like, it it reframes how you have conversations with your spouse, knowing that she's just a few conversations away from you dropping a bomb and

Why Hard Talks Trigger Fear

SPEAKER_02 7:55

that's terrible news on her. Walk me through how that's impacted how you teach and that truth for ladies.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Well, Shawnee uh shared that with me several years ago. So that's new research that she found, which I think explains why you know women will get upset with you because they're hurting about something, they they are troubled by something, and they will want to talk about that. Uh, if we have hurt them, they will want us to say, I'm sorry, will you forgive me? They want the apology, and they feel wonderful when we do that. But oftentimes they will say they can can come quite aggressively. And if it doesn't kind of go down well, she then be shifts a little bit and begins to fear, you know, maybe I pushed this too much, or whatever there is, that insecurity and that panic that Shawnee's talking about. And that's why she gets aggressive to repair. That's why she's moving toward us so aggressively at times, not because she's trying to put us down, she's trying to seek reassurance that everything's okay between us. And if you frame it that way, then that negativity takes on a different perspective.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

I love that. Pull my next question up there, guys. Will you please? So walking, walking through this the last 25 years, so when one of the things you said this weekend, you just mentioned it about Christ being over your spouse's shoulder. It really, and I watched you navigate couples' conversations this weekend, is it really all boils down to do I want to be obedient to what Christ has asked me to do? When you are having these conversations and you present it that way, how is that usually received?

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Well, I think, and that's an excellent question. I mean, that's why I say sometimes it's not a crisis of a marriage, it's a crisis of faith. And what does it really mean that we're talking about? We're not talking about respecting bad behavior or loving bad behavior. We're talking about respectfully and lovingly addressing issues that upset us. It's my demeanor toward that person when we're having the heated fellowship as we talk about. Because a lot of times women in particular misunderstand what we mean. Well, I'm not gonna respect bad behavior. No one is uh encouraging that. We're talking about respect, but we kept trying to no human response to contempt, no human response to hostility. So if a man is hostile and harsh, not gonna work. Contempt and disdain and disgust doesn't work. So God calls me to deliver the truth in

Obedience Over Feelings In Marriage

SPEAKER_03 10:10

a way that the other person, in most cases, is willing to hear it. So in that regard, it's how we deliver it. And what was the question you asked? How how did when you deliver that to audiences of God?

SPEAKER_02 10:23

How they because it was it it's it's that's a new, I think a new perspective for faith-based people or faith-based entrepreneurs is wow, it's not my wife, it's Christ.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Well, that's what scripture is revealing. As to the Lord in Ephesians and Colossians, you continually see this. We do what we do as to the Lord, as to the Lord. It goes from the horizontal to the vertical, and we all know that. We all know that. And there is this recognition as we've done it to the least of these, we've done it to me, he said. So the challenge for us is to think, well, how does that apply to marriage? And and I didn't know how it played in Fiore, but we we did focus on family sponsored as for many years as the marriage conference. They spent $50,000 years ago to evaluate the long-term impact of this love and respect message. And we had what we call the marital satisfaction scales, which is you know the typical thing, you know, communication, whatever. And if as a result of the conference, marital satisfaction will go up because you're you're just refreshed and you're you're applying some of these practical things. We had another spiritual satisfaction scale, which is doing this unto Christ regardless, okay? And that scored high with people. But we went back and looked at the people who, let's say, after the conference, they suddenly realized their spouse was committing adultery. And so the marital satisfaction dropped, and normally it should, right? This is a mess. But then we looked at the spiritual satisfaction scale and that stayed up. So they got it. They understood that ultimately they were going to do what Christ was calling them to do, independent of their spouse, because they wanted to please the Lord. And I didn't realize the extent to which the Christian community would get it, but they really do get it. And even in our time here, how many people give a voice to this? That this really awakened in their heart an excitement. And that has been so refreshing to seven of me to hear.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

So we work, obviously, we're here with a lot of faith-based entrepreneurs. Our audiences are are a lot of faith-based entrepreneurs, very high performing. So we have a lot of guys in certain seasons that will work 50, 60, maybe even 70 hours a week. And as the man, we call that provision. The spouse takes that as absence. What would what would your wisdom and advice be in that situation?

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Well, we've kind of chatted about that in our time together. There just has to be a balanced approach. There has to be a recognition. I mean, that's really your strength, right? You have the five pillars, I don't know how you refer to them, but if you compromise a couple of these, it's going to be something that ends up compromising the other threes, right? So there has to be a thoughtful decision. We've got to create balance here. And that there's nothing new under the sun. I'm not the first person that has a high degree of responsibility.

Work Hours Provision Or Absence

SPEAKER_03 12:55

I have a lot of tasks to fulfill, but that doesn't give me an out to simply sacrifice my children and my spouse. And that becomes the challenge of what it means to be a true, genuine, authentic leader. And uh it just takes people like yourself. We need to think about this, we need to strategize about this. One of the things I say is if you show me, and you probably have heard this, show me your checkbook and show me your calendar, and I'll tell you what you value. That's important. And I'll tell you the decisions you're making. And so it's just a matter of calendaring issues. How are we pacing ourselves? And but it is an ongoing tension. That tension is never going to go away, but it doesn't have to destroy your family and your marriage. God never intended that.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

And Sarah, what would you say to the what would you say to the wives in in that case? Like, how do you approach your husband if that's the case and he doesn't see it? What's the right way to approach your husband with that?

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Well, I think as Emerson said earlier today, just respectfully confronting and saying, you know, the needs that you have. But it was interesting. I have a friend who has 10 children. She was just with us this week. And now she has 17 grandchildren, and she has 29 when they're all together, which they were for a week recently. And but I reminded her, I've I've mentored her through the years, and I reminded her of we were talking about this similar thing, and uh, the day that they took their second or third child to college, and she as she was getting ready, getting him packed, and getting everything together, she just got this irritated attitude about why is Eric not helping me get this stuff done. And it was just as if the Lord said to her, it's because Eric worked so hard that we are able to take this child to college to provide for these the education and because of how he's planned and how he has provided. And she, the Lord, just came over her. And so we were talking about she goes, Oh, I'll never forget. I said, I'll never forget meeting you at Bonefish Grill as you were coming back with the two of them, and we just talked about that. And she's so teachable and she so has such a heart for God, but she so respects how hard Eric works, and she's been an example about that to her children. And now she has children who are very hard workers and have you know, but I think they've seen a mom who really, really stood in the gap when he couldn't be there, but he sure went to an awful lot of athletic games, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Yeah. So so for the ladies that are listening to this podcast today, we talk about love and respect here a little bit about the the crazy cycle, the the energizing cycle. What would you say to the ladies who whose husbands are high performers and may not show the love, which in turn means that the respect's probably not going to be there earlier or either? What would you say to those ladies whose husbands are doing that? And they may not be receiving the love from their husband, and therefore they're not sure. Does he deserve respect? Should I do this for him?

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Well, I would say while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And it's this is again, it goes back to this is who I'm going to be. It's not about who he isn't. And when we live that way, there is such freedom. Because, you know, this is really about this is between the Lord and me. And if a if a woman has respectfully shared her heart and what she you know feels about the situation and ask and has asked, you know, then it really comes down to can I pray about this? Can I give thanks in all things? Can I offer a sacrifice of praise? Be thankful for this person who is providing, who has uh given

Respectful Confrontation That Works

SPEAKER_00 17:05

me what we have, and and and really she can stand before the Lord and say, I I did all I could do. I mean, now if there's something immoral going on, if there's something, you know, yeah, what would you add to that?

SPEAKER_03 17:22

Well, adding to that, I mean, I can't deprive my spouse of what they need to motivate them to meet my need. Right. And if it's all about love and you aren't loving me, you need to love me, and you say that in a contemptuous, disrespectful way, then you're undermining his need to be respected for who he is as a human being, creating the image of God. You're saying I'm disgusted with you, I may even despise you until you start loving me. Well, no husband has fond feelings of love and affection in his heart toward a woman he thinks despises who he is as a human being. So we have to then ask ourselves, I have holy ends here, but I cannot use unholy means to achieve that. So the aim of our heart is legitimate. It's it's it's it's virtuous, it's good. But she has to step back and say, you can't tell a person how in a negative way, on an ongoing basis, as a means of motivating them to be positive. You know, I tell the story that somehow we're thinking our spouse is going to come into the house after 30 years of marriage having an epiphany. I had an epiphany today, honey. What? I now know why you've been so negative. Why? To motivate me to be positive. How did I miss that? I never I missed that. So the challenge for the wife is in her hurt, in her pain, God is calling her to communicate this respectfully. Honey, you're an honorable man. You have a strength that I need. And you're you're you're busy and you're doing all these honorable things, but I have a need that only you can meet. And how do I appeal to you as a man of honor and how do I say this respectfully? I have a need to feel reassured by you, to be connected with you, to talk with you. Can we come up with a way that both of us are meeting each other's needs? And as an honorable man, would you give some thought to this? And I know this is a big shift and it may take a while to turn a little bit, but can we begin to think thoughtfully about this? Because I have a need that only you can meet, and I want you to hear my heart when I say that. And I believe in you, but I need you.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

And I would add this, and it's often I say to women, how do you want your future daughter-in-law to treat your son? And how do you want her to support him? How do you want her to speak to him? I just always I that that has been a goal in my life, is to always think at the you know, when this all comes to an end, how did I live before my children? And how do I want somebody to live with them?

SPEAKER_02 19:39

So good. You mentioned that this weekend a lot. You talked a lot about about that fact. Like for the women, like if you have sons, like is we look at our son different than we do our husband. And being able to understand that wow, how I treat my husband and how I love or respect my husband is going to be how my son does the same thing, and my daughter will do the same thing to her future husband as well. On the reward cycle, you talked about that. What happens if one of them or both of them are really engaged in strengthening and and maybe even repairing marriage? But one of them feels like they're putting in more effort and they're like, okay, when is my effort gonna pay off? When am I gonna see him change? When am I gonna see her change? What would you what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Well, that could be true, but if there's basic goodwill and each person is serving Christ as best they know, then sometimes the strategies we use to energize the relationship differ. You know, so when she's upset, she would like to talk about it. But he could, in fact, feel provoked, and his heartbeats,

When Effort Feels One Sided

SPEAKER_03 20:45

as we talk about, get to 99 beats per minute. So he's trying to help the relationship by going quiet. Because that's what we do as men. We the relationship is more important than this issue we're fighting about. So we kind of say, draw but forgive. So we could label him as very unloving, but maybe he's trying to be honorable for me. And so too, she's confronting, and she may be negative, but there's something that's rooted here as her concern. And is it a virtue? Is it a caring, nurturing concern? We have to, I think, oftentimes begin with reinterpreting that behavior because if we do so through our own pink or blue perspective, our spouse is going to come out looking like a loser. And they may not be at all. They are male and female, and they're approaching this in a goodwilled way, trying to do what's best for the relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean my need. And so we have to then be honest about that. That isn't meeting my need, but that doesn't mean that they are somehow in need of change, that they somehow are contributing to the problems in a relationship. They're just approaching it differently. And but that's what we can. Once we understand that and we acknowledge that and honor that, most people are teachable. But if we're attacking them as wrong when they feel that they're motivated in a loving, caring, or even honorable way, we're going to put them on the defensive. And then we have the audacity to blame them for honorable. Ongoing problems when we have contributed to that tension unknowingly, maybe innocently, but not wisely.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

What do you do? And I'd love to hear both of your perspectives on this. This will be our last question. What do you do if you're in a marriage? And we've all seen this. I pastor a long time, you passed a long time. When you have one person in the relationship that really wants to, okay, I'm going to look inward. What do I need to do to become a better spouse? But you have one that may be contentious and one that may not, they don't want to touch anything. Like I'm there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not the problem. He or she is the issue. What would you say to the spouse in that relationship, guys, that is the one that really wants this to work and really want whatever they have to do or bring to the table or change they're willing to do?

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Well, close better to the door. Yeah, I mean, it it's that's why I said

Loving Well With A Resistant Spouse

SPEAKER_00 22:55

25 years ago, this message never has to change. It's that this is about doing what God's calling me to do independent of this. I have friends, a dear friend, a lifetime friend who's going through something right now. She's 75 years of age. She's been married for 41 years. She didn't get married until she was in her 30s. And it's a similar situation. And this woman is so, so doing this as unto the Lord. She, as he said the other day, she's going to die. A very the contented person because she, what was the other word? Happy. Just happy because she's done what God is asking her to do. You can't change another person, but we have the power to change ourselves. And oh, I just think none of us, none of us are without hope. And so I I just I feel bad. As he mentioned, there's been a lot of divorce in my family. A lot of divorce. I'm the only one who's never been divorced. And but I didn't lose hope when going into marriage thinking, oh, this is this is what's going to happen to me. I went in with a faith that believed that God was going to help me. So anyway, what did you say?

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Well, and I'd add to that, I mean, suffering is not fair. This injustice is not fair. I mean, we would like to somehow say this should be made right and it should be fair. And the unfortunate reality is that some of these individuals you're talking about, because of their own woundedness, their own past, their upbringing, they bring into these situations issues that really are significant and it becomes a problem for us. And so how do we do this? Like Hosea, go love a woman who's an adulteress. Gomer was a problem. But God said, go love a woman. And ultimately, we have to trust that as we do what God is calling us to do, this is why I've had so many people say when they made that decision in the face of this kind of person, it brought a whole new perspective on the relationship. That everything they did counted, everything they did matter, everything they did touched the heart of Christ. But that's a fake venture. We have to trust that. Having said that, I am often the one who cautions, let's not be too quick to interpret that individual as toxic. Who's making that judgment? And it's so easy to lip off about another person's behavior. So I kind of unpack and go back to try to, hey, there are facts and then there are interpretations of those facts. And let's take a look at the facts, and then let's begin to try to interpret that because it might not be as bad as you think. And you may even be making it worse because you're poking at the situation, and then you have the audacity to blame them even more. But we don't take a look at ourselves. But I do that tenderly, but it has to be done truthfully.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

So if I don't I have me ask one more question a lot again, a lot of very high-performing faith-based entrepreneurs listen to this podcast. For you guys, 25 years of doing loving respect. I believe fulfillment is a huge component

Fulfillment Contentment And Kingdom Math

SPEAKER_02 26:05

of being just a Christ follower. Tell me about fulfillment for you guys. In your mid-70s, you've been doing this for 25 years. You're old. No, you're not you're definitely not old. Talk about the talk about the fulfillment component for you guys. You're seeing marriages healed and restored. You're seeing those things. What does what does fulfillment feel like and mean to you at this stage of your life?

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Well, I think one day I said to him, if we were to die tomorrow, what would what what would you what would you do today? And he said, What we've been doing. You just keep doing the next thing and wanting to please the Lord, and I think that's what we individually want to do. We we individually want to please the Lord, we want to live biblically. So what I respect about him so much, which is so fulfilling for me, is that he last night when you did the score. What did you want? I wanted somebody that loved God more than I did.

SPEAKER_03 27:31

And that's well, you didn't get that, did you?

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Well, maybe I love God more than he does now.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

I know that I'm going to use it. Aren't they cute? They're so cute together. But uh no, I think there's another perspective on fulfillment. I think uh I didn't write anything until I was 50. I made a decision at 25 to wait because everybody was flaming up. We have charisma ahead of character, and I didn't want to be another casualty. And I also concluded Jesus Christ does not need me. And I made a I made a strong decision. He doesn't need me. Uh he won't he's called me, but he doesn't need me. I'm not necessary because we've been around so much. There's front stage people and backstage people, and there is a superstar mindset that's out there, and it's very unappetizing to me. And so I I saw that earlier on. But then, you know, if you get to a point where you think maybe there's a lid on your ministry, 25 years of ministry, and nothing's happening. You want to be significant, you want to make a contribution, but wow, you know, that what maybe I made a wrong decision. But you have to lean into that, and it's important because ultimately fulfillment is coming just knowing that I'm I remember being in my pastoral study and leading somebody to Christ and realizing there was a strong anointing on that. And even in study, there was a sense of strong anointing, but the sermon never went beyond Sunday. And I used to think, what's going on here? But I realized that the kingdom math is different. The Lord doesn't measure things in the same way. And so finding contentment and knowing that I'm doing his will in this moment, finding contentment and abiding in Christ, and realizing that's what's going to happen on my deathbed. If I haven't learned that, I'm going to be a miserable person and I'm begging the medical staff to give me pills to give me some kind of peace, hit me with more morphine. And I don't want to end my life that way. That's a disgrace. So I want to be able to just rest in Christ, even though, and as people say, you know, Clint Eastwood made a comment, he's in his 90s now. They said, What's the greatest thing? I walk into a room and no one notices me. Yeah, that's exactly right. We become a nobody. And if we're not prepared, if we're a somebody, we were a nobody, now we're a somebody, we're gonna become a nobody. We've got to be prepare ourselves for that, then we can rest in that that bed and say, I am somebody in Christ, and I'm I'm I'm content. And uh, but I think there is a place for making a contribution to make a difference. Yes, the fact that marriages have been saved, I've often thought of these congregations where I think if my mom and dad could have heard what I'm saying, that my boyhood would have been totally different. And there is a burden in my heart, and it's fulfilling then that maybe, just maybe, I had made a contribution, and Sarah's made a contribution that's brought healing to marriages, and those little boys, the little girls are not suffering the consequences of what I did. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Guys, thank you for your time, Redane. You're welcome. So honored, honored for you guys to be here. What do you guys think? Um excited for something about the future for you guys, excited about the children's book. Why don't you go ahead and share a little bit, you and your daughter, River Children's Book? You want to share a little bit about that with the audience and where they can find some information on that?

SPEAKER_03 30:39

That's childhood stories that I told her and the boys, and uh she's put it on steroids called Biga gets a doober. I had two characters, Biga and Duga. And Biga was the one who's to be something, duga is to do something. And they didn't know until their adulthood what that was all about.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

And it's and they lived in the land of Nuff. And she was in college before she realized that Nuff, spelled backwards, is fun.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Fun. So I created these imaginary

The Children’s Book And Resources

SPEAKER_03 31:05

stories, but it's based on a book of uh Speak Your Mind. And there are four questions, and they're all distinct before you speak. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? And is it clear? And we did an intense study on those. Those are all distinct. They don't bleed over. They're four legs on a table. And we're incorporating these concepts into a children's book, helping kids that maybe have a big mouth this not have a big mouth, but also young people who are maybe more compliant, quiet, how to speak up. And uh, but also how to seek forgiveness. So Biga gets a do-over because he has his big mouth and he says what he shouldn't say, but how do you then have a do-over? And there's a time machine, you go back in time and you have a do-over. So we're going to Nashville this week, going to Portland, Oregon. So we're having these book signings and doing these events coming up. So I'm excited about that.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

And speaking of that, one of the things that I always say, it's a new day. Begin again. I love Lamentations. It says his compassions are new every morning. Great is his faithfulness. So no matter what your story is, no matter what you regret or what you think you've done wrong, it is a new day. And begin again. And I think that has is one of the things that brings such fulfillment to me, to us, is it's always a new day. Begin again.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

I love that. Where can they find the book, Dr. Emerson? Children's book? Mm-hmm. Go to landofnuff.com. The landofnuff in UF.com.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Or in the or in Amazon. I just showed up to somebody.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Yes, on Amazon. And on Amazon. And also loveandrespect.com. For those of you guys in the audience today, we have a we have a QR code right there.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

Love and Respect and LoveRespect.com, also the resources of anybody here. Loveandrespect.com all spelled out, and we have a lot of stuff there available to people as well.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

So final word of encouragement to somebody's listening to this podcast. They've never heard, they've never read love and respect, and they're they're they're in their marriage and they're struggling, and they're wondering, God, is this what you have for me? Or God, is this really what you have for me? What would you say to them? And what can a love and respect do for them and for their marriage?

SPEAKER_03 33:17

Well, one of the things I say, oftentimes these conflicts are the result of honest misunderstanding. And that has to be clarified first. We are we make assumptions, literally. Sometimes they're presumptuous because of our pain. We know what we've experienced. She's disrespectful. But the question is, is that really what she's intending to be? Well, he's just so unloving. He doesn't

Hope Practical Next Steps

SPEAKER_03 33:35

talk to me. But is he intending to be unloving? And so sometimes these conflicts are the result of this honest misunderstanding. And that has to be decoded. We have to take a little time and unpack that. Because we certainly know they're misinterpreting us. Right? And so the question is, are we willing to give them the benefit of the doubt? But I tell people, don't jump. Don't jump. Let's just take a little while and make sure you understand it with a little knowledge, a little skill, you might realize it isn't as bad as you think. And in fact, it might be far better than you imagined.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

So good. Loveandrespect.com. Thank you guys again for being taking some time from coming down here to Atlanta from Michigan and spending some time of the weekend with us. Super grateful for you guys. Guys, thank you for listening to another episode. Has this to be the audience, but love opportunity with James Austin. These have been my amazing guests this weekend, and on our podcast, Dr. Emerson and his amazing wife. Sarah, see you next week on next week's episode.